Faith+Hope+Love = Unbreakable

2007-04-14T23:21:00.000+08:00

Just got back from the MLS Sentosa outing. Can't really say MLS since the people who sort of make up the core of it wasn't there. By core I mean the more prominent faces. Though I had fun with the guys swimming in the water, the outing was somewhat...mendak. At first playes some games reminiscent of during camp...but without the same feel of fun and laughter. Needless to say, it wouldn't be as fun if Syafiq, Hadi, Wak, Epin,Arep, Nazif, Yus, Ain and Lin wasn't there.

And this got me thinking...though I've actually been thinking about this for some time already. Ahmad, Faizul, Epin and Nazif are graduating and that means 4 less familiar faces gone. And for some reason, I know we'll be missing them. And also, Arep is moving school too and he surely be missed by all of us. To put it all in simple words, it'll be like this :

Nazif inspired me to be outgoing and crazy,
Epin inspired me to be a rockstar,
Ahmad inspired me to be spastic and fart all the time,
Arep inspired me to keep long hair
and
Faizul inspired me that being short and small doesn't mean you can't be big at the same time

and don't get me started on what good they did for MLS...if I do, I'd probably ran out of space here.

And I got a nasty shock yesterday. Was after solat Jumaat and was eating at KFC with Lin and we were talking about next academic year's MLS committee nominations. And I was laughing at Lin cos she got nominated. Don't ask me why I was laughing at her, somehow I find getting nominated for it was kinda funny. AND DON'T ASK ME WHY, I JUST THINK IT IS.
And was laughing at her when suddenly my phone rang. Look at the display and was shocked to see Faizul calling. By then, Lin was like..aiyooo u pun kene, aiyooo u pun kene.
I thought he was calling to just maybe ask where I was since we came back to school together but i disappeared when we reached Dover. But the reason he called was for....

Yes, I got nominated.

WHYYYYYYYYYYY MEEEEEEE???

ahahaha okie fine, I admit, even though I appear unwilling for it, I kinda feel honoured.
But still, I can't help thinking...why me?
I understand why Lin and Ain was nominated.
They were in committee for KEM Ilusi and for Lin's case in committee for Iftar, Darma and Ilusi.
But me?
When was I ever in committee sey?
Dunno eh..maybe because of my award-winning performance during Kem. ehehee.
But still, nomination jer perrr, nt confirm get.mwahahaha.
Anyways, Syukur Alhamdulillah for getting nominated.
=)

Andddddd...I've just been promoted to General from Commander..yahoooooo~
Ehh, please la, I'm the only known living person to properly execute a Spartan Last Stand Manuever and still win a battle even though I was outnumbered 3-to-1. ahahaha
Lucky? No, there's no such thing as Luck. There's only the Force.

=))

2007-03-26T21:51:00.000+08:00

I deleted a post before this.

To some of you that have read it, good for you. But lets just put that thought away and act as if I never posted it in the first place.

For that post was written out of anger. And when someone is angry, they are prone to irrational thinking.

But the point is...

Some things aren't meant to be seen, read or know about. But if they are, then in time everything will be held forth...

everything...

2007-03-21T12:00:00.001+08:00

What do I do to ignore what's behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride away from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I let it go and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Cause I cant hold when I'm strecthed so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again by myself

If I turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they’ll
Take from me till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer by myself

How do you think I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid that I’m out of touch
How do you expect I will know what to do
When all I know is what you tell me to
Don't you know
I can't tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I just cant seem to convince myself why
I'm stuck on the outside...

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Been dormant from blogging for these pass few days...erm...weeks. Was too busy wih kinda some stuffs. Though mostly was because I was kinda lazy to blog. Before this I've opened my blogger quite a few times (I'm using cross-posting, you see) but ended up closing it back cos I'm fresh put of ideas to post a meaningful...post.

Well, see, there's loads of things which are somewhat bugging me right now. One of themis well, what I saw during Marshall Duty at Tampines Stadium. I was posted to jaga at the main entrance, which is coincidentally beside the Tampines Rovers home fans area. And throughout the match I saw Matreps, Minahreps, Mak Nyahs and of course, the infamous Cheerleaders-Tak-Menjadi...all in one area. And the thing that bugs me most is that ALL OF THEM ARE MALAYS.

Yes, I should have been used to it by now looking that these Matrep and Minahrep epidemic is widespread here that its almost everywhere. And the bad thing is, they think they look good wearing like they do. Which means that a) They're blind or b) They have bad fashion taste or c) All of the above. Yeah, maybe o them, they really look good and after all, its all a question of taste, but when the whole world is laughing at what you're wearing, wouldn't it have hit your thick head that something is wrong??

And their attitudes. Ok fine, its a stadium and a football match, meaning that expletives are widespread there (remember the famous B*** chant at Kallang?). But come on, there's limits. You're not being a fan if you're throwing expletives every few minutes or so just so that your friends think that you're funny or whatsoever. You're just being a nuisance. Oh wait, you already are.

For the whole match, I just stood rooted there and face the pitch, cos I don;t want to get sore eyes by looking at them. Then, felt someone placing his hand on my shoulders and I turned, only to find myself face-to-face with Steven Tan. For those of you who don't know who Steven Tan is, he was a former international during Fandi Ahmad's era. A true legend, like Fandi himself, and not a phony legend like Baihakki Khaizan or Sharil Ishak or Khairul Amri (oh wait, Khairul IS a legend already). Steven Tan helped Singapore won the Malaysia Cup. What did Baihakki and Shahril do? Baihakki, who's defending skills, even if I were to say his defending skills are 1/4 of Aide's, its being too good to him. During the AFC Final, Baihakki and Shahril was a bystander in the match, and was largely unnoticed up to the point where Lionel Lewis cleared the ball only ofr the ball to go straight to Baihakki and hit his head hard. And after that, I saw Lionel gesturing wildly at him, probably angry at him for being and idiot and standing in front of someone trying to clear the ball.

The other thing thats bugging me is well, the fact that some of my friends have been sort of emoing about their problems. And when I say emoing, I don't mean sitting by the beach or something cos there is totally nothing wrong in that, unless you into the water and drown yourself that is.

What I'm referring to as emoing is the fact that some people mutilate themselves or overdose themselves with drugs (i'm not referring to anyone in particular here). I have absolutely no bloody idea why people like to do that. Some of those whom I asked why they do that claims they liked the feeling of adrenaline rushing through and thus, deflecting their thoughts from their problems.

In other words, they're running away from their problems. Which is a stupid thing to do in my opinion. You can't run away from your problems. They'll just come after you. They're like wild dogs. Run away from them and the wild dogs won't respect you and chase after you like hell. Stand your ground and give them a good kick instead. You'll find that they'll just leave you alone after that.

My point is work through your problems, don't run away from them. Nothing is thoroughly undoable. Its all in your head. Hell, I know this cos I've been through all these. But I went through it and emerge stronger than ever before.

Picture a boy, lost in a world of hatred and pain. He wanders around not knowing how he got there when only a few minutes before, he was in a world of love and joy. It all came apart in one smooth move and here he is, wandering in a desolate place devoid of any colours nor happiness. As he wanders, he hears whispers in the dark. telling him that it is too late for him. That this is the end. But he is not to be hindered by tell-tale ghost whisperings. He wanders on till he came across a large broken glass mirror, whose broken fragments lies in a million pieces on the floor, glittering. Without thinking, without knowing why, the boy picked up a piece and placed it back. Somehow, in his heart (or what remains of it) he knows that he have to do this to get out of this place. He picked another and placed it back. The glass cuts into his skin but he went on, undettered by the pain.

The whisperings became louder as he went. Louder and more vulgar, telling him to stop, telling him to give it up and somehow, intensifying the pain of the glass cutting. But he persevered on, not giving up despite the horrendous pain in his hands as every piece of glass takes away some of his blood. When he had put back almost half of the mirror, he made a fatal mistake. A mistake that caused all of the pieces to break apart yet again.

The boy fell. Lying on the ground amidst the broken fragments, wondering what he did wrong, and what he did to deserve it. And that time, at that place, he almost gave up. Almost submit to the whisperings. It berrated him of his idiocy for trying to fix the mirror when it will just break again. The boy's defences are down. He did not saw this coming and it hit him..hard. His thoughts, his feelings turn cold, as cold as the whisperings themselves. But the whisperings could not touch one part of him. His HEART. For it is in there where his FAITH lies. And somehow, the flame of his faith was not put off by the whisperings.

His faith relighted the HOPE in him and with hope, came LOVE. The boy stood back up, and with great resolve, defy the whisperings yet again. The whisperings became louder, more vulgar yet again and the pain sharpens. But this time, the boy was prepared for it. He faced the pain, but this time, not to fight it...but to embrace it. Pain and Love, one cannot exist without the other.
And to embrace one, one has to embrace the other.

He made pain his ally and he started working yet again. The whisperings intensify, trying to put him off his stride and intensify the pain, but the boy feels no pain, for to him, pain is only a distraction, and also a fuel to give him more resolve to finish the task before him. Soon, he was left with only a few pieces, and the whisperings are at its loudest. But the boy will not be broken. He refuse to be broken...

Pain and love, one cannot exist without the other
To embrace one, you must embrace the other

There is no emotion, there is peace.; There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.; Through knowledge I gain strength
Through strength, I gain power: Through power, I gain victory
And victory shall set me free

Remember, when all else fails, Faith, Hope and Love will pull you through everytime
Well, it does for me
=)
Confianza Esperanza Amor

2007-03-21T01:19:00.001+08:00

I promise to update tomorrow

or the day after

or the day after that

or the day after the day after that

or the day after the day after the day after that

Or easily said

When I feel like it

Which I think should be the day after the day after the day after the day after that.

oh wait...doesn't this count as updating too?
=)

2007-03-05T22:45:00.000+08:00

Well, I hope the last post gave you readers some food for thought.
Just posting those thoughts flying around in my head.

Before we start,
HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TO HILMI!!
May the power of the Krat always be with you, my brother.
okie, its 1 day late..so what? Its the thought that counts...rite?
And oh yeah..6 more days to mine. ehehe

Well, yesterday was a nice day, no doubt about that.
Morning was madrasah, went there with Syafiq since Syafiqah was sick
Slept around 2 or so the night before since Syafiq couldnt sleep and he wanted to play Worms on my lappie.
So, without further ado, we played. ehehe
That explains why we woke up sort of late the next day.

After madrasah, which ends faster than normal due to unforeseen circumstances, went to Woodlands Interchange to meet *her. Wanted to creep up behind her and tahut2 kan, but she somehow knew I was coming.
The Force is strong in this one..hmmm..yes.
Okie, enough with the Star Wars crap already.

Made our way to Bugis after that. In the train, saw that she's somewhat distracted.
And yeah, you people please stop asking me how I know when someone's got a problem or something even though that someone hides it, its just me. I just know, so don't ask.
Jedi Master la katerkan...
STOP IT LA!!

okie okie, so in the train, saw her somewhat distracted
ask her many2 times she still say she's okie
Yeah, as if I'm convinced.
So, nebermind, perhaps its something she don't want to share
so, its okie with me
=)

Reached Bugis and walked around Bugis Junction searching for a shop but can't find it.
Head to Bugis Street next but still, search in vain
Finally went back to Bugis junction.
And cant make up our mind to either go bowl or go catch a movie.
In the end, made the wrong move to go catch a movie at marina Square.
Wrong, why? Cos found out that the movie we anted to watch was already screening..1/2 hours ago. Damn
So we just watch Norbit and it was damed hilarious. A must-watch for you comedy-junkies everywhere.

After the movie, just walked around The Esplanade.
Just walked and talked and eated..eh, ate.
And could see that she's thinking about some things.
So just leave her at it, don't want to disturb her train of thoughts.
After that, we make our way home.
Well, waddya know. A day well spent with *her.
=))

And before I go, this is a gentle reminder...
6 MORE DAYS TO GO!!!!!
yahooooo...
didnt noe anyone is this excited to be getting old.
hahah

2007-03-04T22:53:00.000+08:00

Darkness...

Reigns when light falters. Consumes when all defences are down. Engulfs when not fought.

But needless to say, fighting darkness is like fighting a losing battle. It can never be abated. For everytime you let your guard down, it comes back. Stronger still. The only way is not to fight it. But to accept it. It is in us. In our hearts, in our minds. It is never far. It is always lurking in the shadows, ready to strike when you defences are down.

The dark is generous.
Its first gift is concealment.
As our true faces lie in the facade darkness of our skin, our true hearts remained shadowed still.
But the greatest concealment comes not from protecting our secret truths. It is from hiding us from the truths of others.
The dark protects us from what we dare not know.

Its second gift is comforting illusion.
The ease of gentle dreams in the night's embrace, the beauty of that imagination brings to us that will be repelled in day's harsh light.
But the greatest of its illusion is that the dark is temporary, that every night brings a new day.
Because it is day that is temporary.
Day is the illusion.

Its second gift is the light itself.
Just like the days which are defined by the nights which divide them,
like stars are defined by the infinite black through which they wheel,
The dark embraces light and brings it forth from the centre of its own self
With each victory of the light, it is the dark which wins

Darkness is patient.
It is darkness that seeds cruelty to justice, that drips contempt into compassion, that poisons love with grains of doubt.
The dark can be patient for even the slightest drop of rain will cause those seeds to sprout.
The rain will come and the seeds will sprout for the dark is the soil in which they grow.
Darkness waits behind the star which gave them light.
Its patience is infinite.
For even stars eventually burn out.

Darkness always win.
For it is everywhere.
It is in the wood that burns in your hearth, in the kettle on the fire, under your chair, and under the sheets on your bed.
Walk in the mid-day sun and the dark is with you, attached to the soles of your feet.
The brightest light casts the darkest shadow.

But fear not readers, the dark might be generous, patient and always wins.
But in the heart of darkness itself lies its weakness.
For one lone candle is enough to hold it back.
Love is more than a candle.
Love can ignite the stars...

Ponder on this my readers. And may peace be with you all.

you have tried too hard to destroy what you deemed to be the darkness. in time, you have become the very thing you have tried to destroy

the Wicked End

2007-02-18T12:21:00.000+08:00

The wicked End

Man's becoming more corrupt now
Godless, wicked and cruel
The soulless man stood silenced
Mariam's word rang so true
Chastisement worse than the flood
spread the word, its all true
Don't kill the messenger,please
As if we havn't swam enough in this world of misery

Voice your prophecy shed us some light
Feel sorrow for mankind's chance to survive
Swallowed lies and swimming in our own tears
A stab in the dark and it wounded our will
We won't be here tomorrow
Hold on to me for one last time

We've grown into the numbers
Six hundred sixty-six
War breaks a sign of the end
Eternally expelled
Look to the sky for knowledge
The stars aligned tonight
Eclipse and heaven shall fall
Now I know I've seen it all
In my life of misery

Dust the apple off savor each bite
And deep inside you know Adam was right
Lust and power, indulgence no fear
Left with his sins how does this end?
We won't be here tomorrow
Hold on to me for one last time

As the prophets shine the light
on whats to come
the crowds did gather
Your time is precious, they explained
No time to worry
Messiah's coming

Don't go to sleep tonight darling hold me in your arms
This could our final days and I can't let go..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For some reason lately, everywhere I turn I see right now I see couples breaking up.

OR

Someone is crying his/her heart out over some other person that they have feelings for

OR

Some other bloody damned thing thats always, and without fail, being pointed to this one thing that we all call LOVE.

You see, some people when they're in love, they'll overlook some things. Like that maybe someone somewhere might be HURT by their actions. That someone somewhere might be HATING them for what they've done, or will do. And also for the fact that Love, like everything else is in a subjct of duality, meaning that it has two sides.

Love is bliss. And love could hurt. And people tend to overlook the hurt part for their in too deep in their bliss. They'll only realise the hurt part when its far too late. People tend to overlook the fact that SOMEDAY, SOMEHOW, EVERYTHING GOES AWAY FROM YOU.
Don't overlook that fact, but at the same time, don't dwell on it too much. Seriously, your condescending fucks makes me want to laugh and puke at the same time.

For that reason alone, that is exactly the reason why I had never been too attached towards something or someone last time. For I know, someday, I have to let go whether I like it or not.
Girlfriends? Before this, never had any. Best friends? Azhar and Syafiq are the closest to me but the real reason why I decided against opting to be in their class in Sec 3 was so that I could be less relient on them. A prized possession? Nope, never had..

When you learn to let go, you learn to move on. And when you learn to move on, you learn to embrace the pain. Yes, embrace the pain, never endure it. Because if you endure it, one day, it'll be too much to bear and when your defences are totally down, well, lets just say you'll be in one hell of a time. Embrace the pain, make pain your ally.

Perhaps thats the reason why I could move on after what happened last year. Admittedly, I surprised even myself that it didnt feel as bad as I thought it would. I just picked myself back up again and get on with life. So what if I fall? It hurts,? Well, so what. Just get the hell back up again. Every fall is an oppurtunity for you to strengthen yourself. Scared of falling again? Then learn by experience and find out what you did wrong. Life too is a subject of duality, probably the best example of it. For every warmth, there is coldness. For every Love, there will be Hatred. And for every rise, there will be falls.

But what if you thought you had all the answers and one day, suddenly the questions are changed?
Well, for once, that applies to me.

Because well, right now I'm in love.

Realllyyyy, in love.

Blinded? Overlooking things?

Nah, don't think so.

But God help me if I do.

For *she's the best thing that ever happened to me.
=)

As I watch the self-doubts running through my head
I know I'm never contented to be in this state
Feeling my blood rushing, mixed with hate
But in my heart I know, its never too late

I picked myself up and dust the dirt off
Despite these pain I will step forth
to turn my back against this hatred
of anger unreleased and unabated

I walk away despite my ailing
for I will never succumb to Hatred's bidding
I keep on walking, never know what's in store
But I know, Hatred is never my cure

Love is thy cure in eyes of thine
For its something thats truly divine
My love belongs to thy fair dame
but alas, hallowed is thy name

p.s. the last stanza is just a playful use of old enlish words. =)

Rise Up

2007-01-24T05:16:00.000+08:00

You hear, but do you actually listen?

You look, but do you actually see?

You feel, but do you actually perceive?

You think, but do you actually reason?

You dislike, but do you actually hate?

You like, but do you actually love?

Questions, questions and more questions. I'm sure you're sick of them. Its as though just when you find the answers to some questions, some smartass just have to either change the questions or give you more.

But such is the nature of life. So unpredictable, so melodramatic that what you expect to happen so confidently, that there is no percentage of the thing not happening, might not even happen. Life is so fragile that a simple twist of fate might change someone's life drastically.

Love, hate, lust, hope, faith, anger... All of these aspects interwine and one cannot exist without the other. Where there is Love, there will be Hate. Where there is Faith, there will be Infidelity. Where there is Serenity, there will be Anger. It is a matter of you own thinking to sort out the right path for you to take.

And some people ask, "What is Love?" (soalan bonus nie). Well, to say the truth, Love can be defined based on one's experience in it. It totally depends on whether one has been hurt, or saved, by Love. As every aspect of life has its sense if duality, so does Love. And the dark side of love is....Hatred.

The path of hatred is not a path that many would take. But it is a path where I once walked.
To understand both aspects of love, or actually, to understand love itself, one has to walk both sides of it. And one needs to learn not to be consumed by either side.

Long time ago in a galaxy far far away....oppps, sorry, wrong opening.ehehe

Years ago, I fell. Wait, or issit months ago? Ok nevermind, whats important is that I fell. And fell hard. Remember the question, "Have you ever thought you had it all, only to watch your whole life crumbled at your feet a second later?" ? Well, its referring to me at this point of time.

2007-01-21T23:07:00.000+08:00

Have you ever tried so hard to get something, only to let it fall off your grasp just because of this one thing that you did wrong?

Have you ever sat by your dying friend one whole night, only to be away when he took his last breath?

Have you ever thought that you had it all, only to watch your whole life crumble at your feet the second later?

Have you ever thought that you had won, only to lose at the last stretch of the race?

Have you ever seen someone as a perfect model for a leader, only to have him destroy that picture when he tormented and caused pain to someone he onced loved?

Have you ever felt so angry that if you let your anger go, it could wash away the stars?

Have you ever been in a leadership role, where your people are at the brink of civil war and you did nothing about it?

Have you ever walked the path of hate and feel the anger, the strength and the feeling of invincibility coursing through your veins?

Have you ever waited for a girl whom have moved on and while waiting, you came close to not only destroying your life, but the the girl's life as well?

Have you ever had this much questions swimming through your head?

Well I had. Though not all of the questions above are really asked towards me, some of them are asked instead towards you, my dear readers. Have you ever done any of the above?

Have you ever not moved on after breaking up with a girl while the girl have moved on and while doing so, came close to destroying your life and also the girl's? If you're reading this and you feel as if it's meant for you, then it is. There is no absloute point of showing off your loyalty right now. You had your chance, you let it go. Just move on and stop destroying your life by waiting. And for the record, stop questioning her. It really doesn't help it. If you truly trust her and is her best friend, than you should be happy for her and trust that she is happy and not planning for our downfall. Seriously, I couldn't care less with your hasad dengki. Cos every minute you have that feeling, your pahala comes to me and my dosa to you. Thanks for your generosity. And let me tell you this : "Wait for the one, and you will lose the rest. Go with the rest and you will find the one." Stop destroying your life. It doesnt help it.

People come and go in each and our lives. Its something that couldn't be stop. What matters most is the impact they made. You could be longtime friends one day and enemies the next. You could be strangers one day and suddenly became together the next few weeks. Its all a matter of impact they had made. Some will leave with a lasting impression while some will leave nothing at all. Impressions of pleasure, of hatred, of anger, of love. Its a funny thing how one thing could lead to another totally unexpectedly.

This is called LIFE. You win some, you lose some. Its alright to lose. But what matters most is how you lose. Fall down gracefully and take it well? Or fall down and hate the person who caused the fall? Its all a matter of your sense of individuality. And much could be said of the way you react to your falls. If you fall and get back up, only to pray for the person to fall also, then you my friend...wait...you're no friend...friends should be happy for one another, not praying for each other's downfall.

In life, you might get rejected. But hey, tell me who doesnt get rejected in life be it once or twice? The Chosen One Prophet Muhammad himself got rejected. And by his own people nonetheless. They pelt him with stones, faeces, urine and also the kitchen sink...eh no, last time havnt got kitchen sink yet. But did he give up? NO! He stood tall and went on with it. Did he just stay at home and refuse to go out? NO! He went out and got us where we are today.
Take it from him. Every rejection, every fall we fell is a chance for us to learn..and not fall the same way again.

Have you ever felt forsaken and thought that everything left you, only to find that the thing very thing you need is in your heart?

Have you ever felt so unloved, only to find that the all the love you need is right smack in front of you?

Have you ever wondered why God didn't give you what you want, only to find that you were destined for greater things all along?

Have you ever contemplated of waiting for a girl, only to move on and find someone better?

Have you ever think of commiting suicide, only to find that life is the best thing you could ever have?

Have you ever thought far for the answers, only to find that the answers lies only within you?

Have you ever renounced the darkness in you and throw away all the ill feelings within you towards others, the resentment felt to some people and in turn, cleanse yourself, abling yourself to see the light and enlightenment?

Well, I have.

Have you?

2007-01-20T14:54:00.000+08:00

After a whole week of nothingness, here I am again to update...

Hmmms, probably the most awaited event in every footballing enthusiast in Singapore have came, that is, the ASEAN Championship formerly known as Tiger Cup. Singapore is the defending champion and so far, the only team to have successfully defended their crown in Thailand. Biaser la, my country wadddd.

Anyways, last Monday was Singapore against Laos. And Singapore won 11-0. Which is a bloody stupid scoreline is you ask me. Hell, even SPMLS United never had that type of outrageous scorelines before. Alam Shah scored 7 and the rest i cant remember who scored. The Laotians are really damned pitiful. Kesian tgk muker dorng time kene goal rabak2. Nevermind, a good experience for the Laotian team since their average is 19...which is around my age. ceh, nak step 19 konon, padahal baru nak 18..and in 3 months time. *hint*hint* heheh.

Hmm, while we're on the subject kan, my birthday this year gonna fall on the Prep Day of FOC 07/08. Meaning that I'm soooo darn dead. Last few years manage to run from my frens as they chased me to give me my birthday bash. But this year...aisey..dunno where to run. Or even can I even outrun them. haishhhh...better make escape plan now eh.
And I know *you're gonna be with them kan kan kan.ehehee

Eh, aper da, camner bole melencong sesgt nie..back to story back to story...

Anyway, last wednesday went for marshall duty at the Vietnam vs Laos match. I already know that Vietnam is going to win but somehow, I still hoping that Laos could grab a suprise win cos if they do, then it doesnt matter if Singapore wins or loses against Indonesia. Vietnam won Laos 9-0 in the match while Singapore drew with Indonesia 2-2. Yesssaarrhhh!!! Singapore vs Malaysia in Semi-Finals. Confirm match hot sekali macam goreng pisang panasssss

Tomorrow's gonna be SPMLS United match against Singapore Veteran players. Woooo~
We're playing at Tampines SAFRA and like wow...i myself cant believe we're playing them.
Age vs Experience. Woots~
And before the match, gonna spend some quality time with baby.
Confirm lepas tu score hat-trick...hmmm, or in second thoughts, 7 goal sekali luh..

A true leader does not rule. A true leader leads
Through his forsight of the future
Through his love of his people

Foresight? yeah, right...

2007-01-15T11:03:00.000+08:00

Yesarrrrhh..after dunno how long, I'm finally here to update.
Hmmm...lets see what happened these pass few days ehhh...

Last three days went to a Taufik Batisah Campus Concert. Taufik! ahhhhhhhh!!! *faints* okie, giler..I'm not a really big fan of Taufik anyway, but I have to admit uh, that guy's got talent. If not, why I voted for him during Singapore Idol kan? Buang duit aku jer. Lima posen times 5 dah 2.50. Bole aku beli nasi ayam...

Concert was okie. Rushed from Solat Jumaat to school with Amir so that we wont be late. Along the way nampak this pokok tumbang and half of the tree tumbang at the middle of the road, causing other vehicles to not able to pass. Like so cool sey. Tak slalu nmpk gitu tau. Hujan lebat macam maner pun we have time to jalan2 kjap kat tengah2 road cos don't have any vehicle. Wheee~ now you know why we drenched semacam. Dah sampai school, tengak the queue bloddy long. Nasib Nazif and Zee already in front soooo, aper lagik, kiter join laa~

Got inside the auditorium and it was kriffing cold. Biasa la auditorium, dah mcm morgue sey sejuk dier. pffft, bedek, macam pernah masok morgue gitu. Was shivering throuout the whole concert. Like i said, the concert was ok ah, but the best part of it is the guitarist's skill during one of the songs. Shredded a solo perfectly, reminicent of Avenged Sevenfold's Sidewinder.
Wanna hear it? okie, later I play eh...cheybahh..no lah, later i put the song here..
After the concert, just slacked around at MLS room before going home.

Two days ago was SPMLS United vs Fawzey's members rematch. No idea why they wanted a rematch after losing the first one. Obviously, sour grapes. Dah kalah tu buat hal kalah jer la...
Final score? 4-4. Our scorers are Wak (hebat tuuu, defender score tau), Me (biaser la...), Sarep (the kambeng!) and Hadi (the sdare kambeng!) . And the amazing thing is that all the scorers are the ones who actually didnt want to come down in the first place. =)
My goal was a beauty..of course la, my goal what. Capitalise on the opponent losing the ball before slotting the ball home with my right foot. One word...magic. ehehe ...main2 jer luhhhh
And of course, that goal was for baby... =)

Yesterday, after madrasah meet baby at Causeway Point to follow her around as she go shopping for new sandals. Ehehe, sandal putussss..ehehe. After that go sapede at KFC before going home. The end. Short day but nice~ oh, btw, we saw Taufik...again...mcm takder orang lain gitu ehh..kalau jumper Matt Shadows ke, Synyster Gates best jgak...ini Taufik plak....
=)

Anyways, dunno why suddenly I find myself listening to Malay songs. Its like so unlike me laaa~
i mean, i do listen to M. Nasir occassionally but the jiwang songs? Like..ewwww~
really luhh ,dunno whats wrong with me. Alot of people are kinda surprised to see the legendary punk-rocking, metal-loving and in-your-face-you-stupid-government sufyan listening to jiwang. And guess what?

I'm surprised myself. =)
P.S. Raihan rocks my socks laaaaa~

2007-01-11T10:43:00.000+08:00

The Approaching Curve

The music played with a common frequency.
The speakers seeped the sounds of ambient keyboards and light percussions, creating a seductive soundtrack their midnight drive through the curtains of blackness.
The windows are cold to the touch, referring to the icy conditions of their immediate extremity. Salt stains and fingerprints littered the glass and streets with melted snow cascaded the length
The music pulsed louder, yet gentle, like the faraway squeal of a pot boiling water
The skylight was was glowing faintly with the hints of impending dawn
The car raced along a painfully stretch of road and she hadnt so much as turned the steering wheel two degrees or hardly spoken.

As they were, so perfect, so happy
We'll remember all of their smiles, cos that's all we've seen
Long since dried, when they were found
All the tears in which they have drowned
As the were, so perfect, so happy...

"Why are you doing this?" she said without expecting a response
Her voice penetrated the still air of their speechless drive, so silent that his heart had jumped
"I'm not doing anything", he said, though he didnt even believe that himself
"This is what's best for me, for you, for us or maybe just for me, "he thought, as a tear forms in the pit of her eyes
The music poured through the speakers and we're lost momentarily in the cadence
She looked down momentarily for a bit longer than a standard blink
Then she was crying
Then she was shouting
And then he was shouting
Now pouring confessions, having no answers or solutions and we barely even heard the questions...

Don't put him underground
He was meant for a life somewhere else
Please love, give him the wheel
Before both your hearts you'll steal tonight...

Their cracking voices became part of the music
The car pressed on through the night
As their voices are lowered, once again the cadence took over
Up ahead a cruve is approaching
She made no intentions of slowing...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This issnt actually a poem...just something in my mind that I put to words yesterday. Hmm, think i update later...bye.mwahahaha...

2007-01-07T17:25:00.000+08:00

It wonder what its like to be like you
To never really care how much it hurts
So go ahead and lie and keep moving on
It's all about yourself and you're never wrong
I'll watch you crash and burn...

SPMLS United had our second match yesterday against ntah haper nyer team. We won 4-3 with our captain, The Kambeng, scoring a hat-trick. Now thats what I call lead by example. The other goal is scored by me. Though undoubtedly, I had more chances than Syafiq has, I fluffed mine due to my absymal finishing. Really got to practise on that. But the thing that surprises me most is our impregnable defence in the second half. After a shoddy display during the first half, Sarep gave the defence a piece of his mind though it wasn't entirely the defence's fault. The performance of the defence on the second half is a joy to behold. Hafiz, our goalkeeper didnt havce anything to do though he showed his alertness by saving a point-blank shot. All in all, its a wonderful performance by the team.

Now, to pressing matters...

I never thought I'd be in involved in this war. I've foreseen it coming without his warning already. The moment they seperated, I have foreseen a dark and treachorous time for he had suffered much. It is the nature of those who are oppresed to rise up against their oppressor.
And thus, a schism forms. A people once united are taking sides against whom they once called their comrade. Sides are being taken. The battle-line is drawn. There is no turning back.

As for me, I really never thought I'd be involved in this. For admittedly, I told myself before when I had foreseen not to get myself involved, to let them sort it out on their own. But this is getting out of hand. A once small thing is being escalated into something big. There is enough pain and suffering in this world already. This shit has to stop and it has to stop NOW.

For you if you're reading this.
You're the first friend I made in polytechnic and seeing you doing this is really saddening. I never thought you would have the heart to do this to her. I know you're maybe confused and whats-its, but still, to hurt someone whom you used to love so much...wait, no...not just hurt, made her suffer too. I really never expected this. Never. Especially not from you.

2006-12-31T23:35:00.000+08:00

Its never important where we start
though as time goes we will grow astray
Memories dear are kept in the heart
where forever they will stay...

This will be my last post for the year 2006.

As I am posting this and cracking this erratic hunk of machinery I call a brain to figure out what the hell am I gonna write here, the minutes are counting down towards midnight and year 2007. The year 2006 which have just passed us by (I hear them celebrating at the CC beside my house already) and it has brought us a whole load of good times and bad.

For me, the year 2006 have bought me alot of experiences, may it be good and bad and also its fair share of surprises. Let us see what the passing year brought me through shall we?

Good Times

- Moving house. Actually I don't really know whether this is good or bad, but for me i don't really miss my old house. I think it has something to do with having a soooo much bigger bedroom which is like 2 times the size of my old bedroom. But the thing is, after putting in all my belongings, which issnt much, my biiggg bedroom looks kinda bare. Hmm..

- The start of polytechnic life and the opening of a whole new chapter of my life. Its been great to be in KEM and till now, I'm still sure that going for KEM is perhaps the best decision I ever made. Forged newfound friendships, especially with the Asroq people there and I really miss the days when we were really close. But shit happens and it all fell apart, putting us to this predicament that we are in right now. Lets pick up the pieces and rebuilt what we had, shall we?

- The strength of my will after what had happened during the fall-apart at the middle of the year is so suprisingly strong that I was nowhere near breaking point. I have thought that I'd end up crying and emoshittified and all that but I proved myself wrong. Allah S.W.T gave me the strength to carry on. As I said, you may break my love, you may throw my hopes away. But as long as this flame of Faith burns in me, you can never break me.

- Somehow or rather, I found this year's Ramadhan to be somewhat more special then it normally is. Maybe its the volunteer work I did during RYC and the Iftar that made it special. Maybe its the fact that I pushed myself to the boundaries of my limitations and succeeded. But hhm...most probably, I think its the fact that I found *you. And its during Lailatul Qadar, no less.

- Been growing closer to my MLS peeps. Love you guys so much lah!! Bonded well with some of you guys especially during Darmawisata, Muzikarama, Iftar, SPMLS United training sessions..bla bla bla

- and the best part of 2006 is....finding *you. Enuff said.

Bad Times

-Going for a ride on a police patrol car because of public nuisance. And the ironic is, I stopped playing my bike and the police came and hauled me up woth the rest. Kinda shit issn't it?
Inilah time zaman biker ehhh. And shhhhh...don't tell people about it yeah? Even Dave Mirra or RYan Nyquist or Dave Escamilla don't get busted like this. heh.

and the most bad thing might just be...

-proving to myself that my special ability is being able to somehow, always mess things up when things are looking good for me. Its a major letdown to see all your hard work going down the drain just like that. Pfffttt..

And now, you may ask, what's my resolution for next year.

The thing is, I don't have any.

WHY? you may ask.

Well, to put it simply, my resolution last year was....

NEVER MAKE ANYMORE RESOLUTIONS...because i never end up fulfilling them. hah

One last word,

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha and Happy New Year to everybody out there!!
p.s. if you drink, don't drive. Ingatlah yang tersayang. =)

2006-12-28T21:46:00.000+08:00

Finally, I'm back after an extended period of hiatus no thanks to me having absolutely no internet connection thanks to some %*&())&$()_!! Well, i'm back now and I'm here to stay yar...
Lets see now what major events have I gotten myself involved in hmmm...

Piala Khatulistiwa...or something 2006

As expected, SP won...the big winner to be exact. We had probably the most noisiest contingent of all, no thanks to Zif's shouting about the smoke and me and Sarep's constant critics of the props and backstage crew. Eh come on la, we're both part of the "award-winning" propstarZ team that made Muzikarama a huge success. Not that I'm saying the rest weren't up to specs however...

opppss..okie, back to story..

For a moment, i really thought SP didnt win, bcos of something the judge said. But I was never this glad to be so wrong before. We started celebrating even before the announcer said clearly the winner is. She just said "politechnic" and we were celebrating. Never did it crossed our minds that the title is going to TP. But hey..we won..and its all that matters in the end. Even Redzuan, my cousin, who went there with his PJC mates were rooting for SP from the beginning. After that, we went to VivoCity for dinner before slacking around at the observatory area.

Darmawisata 2006

Seriously, I'm the last to blog abou this rite rite? Anyway, it was a great experience and having bonded further with some of them, it was a truly great thing. Especially with my roomies Yus and Wan. Our room is probably the room with the most things broken, considering that we played football inside the room. And we rammed the ball as if we're at a field. But hey, Yus's volley hit the air-con so damn hard that for some reason, it got the air-con working properly...magic. Anyways, can't think of anything more to say...lets just let the pics do the talking shall we?

And thats just some of the pictures that I have. Too many to upload them all here and too lazy to use slide.com or whatsits. But all of these pictures couldnt possibly beat this last terrific one that I'd like to show...here it is...
AHMAD SPASTIC!!!!!! He's the man whose voiced melted the hearts of girls everywhere. He's the man who could end a poem with an anticlimax...which is granted he even manages to end at all! HE's none other than AHMAD SPASTIC!!! mwahahaha...tak baiknyer aku...but hey, he's the person who made my trip in the bus so much laughter..ahaha

and thats all for today...maybe tomorrow i'll update long2...maybe only..kekeke

2006-12-27T19:35:00.000+08:00

2006-12-11T09:01:00.000+08:00

SPMLS United had our first match last Saturday and though we lost 6-4 to ITE Dover, our performnce surpassed all expectations. Though admittedly, alot of times we were on the backfoot, having lost possession easily and fluffing chances. I, however, was disappointed at my own performance. Yes, though I played with an injury, I still think I ought to have performed better. Well, lucky for me, our physiotherapist was there.ehehe.

Well, first-half ended the way it started, with both team tied with the scoreline at 2-2. Our goals are scored by Fawzey and Hadi. We could have ended the half in the lead, but Hadi missed a penalty which was won by Wan. But no matter, we chased back from 2-0 down to 2-2. Didnt get into much of the action this time. Had only one shot on target. Diverted a cross from Hadi straight to the keeper's arms. Bleargh~

Second half started well for us. Grabbed tje lead through Fawzey's second goal. The euphoria of leading the match however, was short-lived for the opponent replied instantly with a goal. At that point of time, I was starting to feel the pain of my pulled hamstring. But me, being me, I continued to play on, thinking that I might run the injury off. Hey, I once played through a whole match with a fractured bone on my feet.And scored twice.

But well, I was wrong. I got pass a defender and was virtually through on goal when the pain suddenly flared all of a sudden. I slowed down to a halt instinctively, and the defender cleared the ball out of danger. Reluctantly, I walked out of the field, substituting Hadi. Well, lucky for me, we had our physiotherapist there. whee~ ehehe...

Moments later, tragedy striked again as Syafiq was dropped heavily in the penalty box. He was injured badly that he had to be stretchered off and the team played the rest of the game with no strikers. Wan, our goalkeeper, was made the makeshift left-back while Arif played attacking. Fawzey converted the penalty to give our team more hope of winning. The score now, 5-4. the opponent scored again to put themselves firmly in the front with a few remaining minutes to go but our spirits could not be dampened. Wan, taking over the captain's armband was everywhere on the field. We soldiered on, ignoring the fatigue stling upon us. I watched them from the sidelines, trying to contain myself from forcing myself to join them again. I want to be there, I have to be there. Damn these injuries. But needless to say, we fought to our best, we have no regrets...

After the match, as planned, I walked out to the field to congratulate the team on a job well done. Wan gave me a knowing smile as he walked back. I looked around to see if there's anyone who knows about the plan since Wan is already back and Syafiq is injured. I saw Hadi and walked over to him before feinting an injury while he 'attend' to me. Hadi then called out for some people to come over to me and as planned, she came over. Syafiq too, limped over to me. Looking at her, however, I can see that she wasn't at all happy with me going back outfield despite my injury. But no matter, all part of the plan. =)

I looked to Syafiq and ask him quietly whether they're ready with the surpise or not and he looked up before saying yes. The moment I stood up and limped back to the sidelines, some of them were crowding around the cake, so as to block it from her. Some of them were crying out that someone was injured, and I watched as she cried out, "siapa lagik injured nieeee??" ehehe..
The crowd dissipated and we surprised her, and I watched as her face brightened up and she gave me that sweet smile of hers. eheheheeeee~

Well, after one whole week of planning, of talking in codes, of intrigue and mystery worthy of James Bond, the surprise is done. Lucky for us, we managed to improvise when the two strikers really got injured eh? ahaha. Thanks to Shafik and Raudhah for giving me the idea and putting it in place, thanks to Wan and Nani for accompanying me to buy the cake...or bola, in code-talk. Thanks to the players for helping out in the surprise, and also for playing your hearts out. Thanks to the girls and Faizul for being there to support us...it was greatly appreciated. And most of all, thanks to Allah S.W.T for that day. Alhamdulillah!!

and now, I'M FIT AGAIN!!!! But only around 70% i guess..ehehe

=)

2006-12-08T09:47:00.000+08:00

My Life Inside Your Heart

Fight back the impulse to turn my head and close my eyes
Spending these night awake,cold and paralysed
Wonder how we got this far
and never realised the thred that bonds our lives

I know you're hurt and I can help you if you take my hand
And we'll live in the dreams we leave behind
Take my hand as we move from this place to a beter life
Take my hand
If you just take my hand...

Fight back the feelings that you could always just deny
Remember that everything we know is just a lie
Its like we made up this memory
and watch te darkness pass and rise

And beneath this world I stand
And ask of you to take my hand
And I'll promise to not let it go
Take my hand for its something greater than you'll ever know
Take my hand for its all I ask of you to show

Fight back the urge to turn my head and close my eyes
for I know I'll wake up tomorrow still alive
I'm still dreaming
I'm still waiting
I'm still sure
This is my life inside your heart...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, one more day to our first match now. Though I'm higly anticipating it, I've to admit I'm feeling kinda jittery. And what's worst is that suddenly all these thoughts of self-doubt suddenly swam in my mind. The picture of that open goal I missed s the first thing I see everytime I thought about football. Its really annoying and somewhat demoralizing.

Thoughts of failing on Saturday kept haunting me. Even in dreams these days I saw myself fluffing that bloody open goal over and over and over again. It really got me thinking of what will happen if I were to miss that kind of chance again.

And whats worst is that during that training match, we were playing within ourselves. But tomorrow, alot of people will be watching. Even Faizul is coming to watch. Ahhhhhhhh. Damn.
I really wonder where that free-scoring, goal machine Sufyan of old has gone to. The one who never falters in front of goal. The one who scored against every goalkeeper in known in Jurong Sec. The one who ruthlessly destroyed Yuan Ching Sec's defence and scored 4 goals in that very match. Somehow, he's gone now....replaced by a more assisting-minded, self-doubting idiot-who-can't-score-even-when-centimetres-away-from-goal. ARRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

But at least, I have *her to motivate me. I have to admit that *her presence wil always somehow give me that extra boost to go the extra mile. Case in point, during once we played against some Indian guys in street soccer, i never looked like in the game at first. It was only when she came that I scored that magical solo effort ala Michael Owen.

Ehh....wait. Did I just say I played like Michael Owen??? Ewwwww..no no no...Wayne Rooney, more like it. =)

In any case, I know *she'll be by my side no matter what and if anyhting happens, I'll still have *her to make my day anytime. =)

**UPDATED**

SPMLS vs ITE DOVER
9 December 2006
ITE DOVER soccer pitch
9 a.m Kick-off

Line-up:
4-4-2(Diamond)

Wan Emo (GK)
Arif (LB)

Azhar (RB)
Nizam (CB)
Abdillah (CB)
Hadi S. (LM)
Fawzey (RM)
A.Hadi (DM)
Ridzwan (AM)
Sufyan (FW)
Shafiq (FW)

2006-12-05T10:48:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the sudden short hiatus. But I'm back right now.

Last week was damned tiring. Muzikarama was over and done with. Awesome job done by everyone. Especially the Propstars and Backstars. Kudos to Nazif especially for a job bloody well done. and Nazif, sorry for all the times I didnt hear your instructions and played around with my lightsaber....kekeke. =)

However, the backstage crew have our share of miscommunications and some setbacks, which are expected. One of the miscommunications are that the cast simply don't listen when I told them to not crowd around the curtain entrance, which was why you see the curtain has to be adjusted some times in some of the scences. Nevertheless, Sarep and I developed some sort of a telephatic communication between us, which will prove destructive when in our SPMLS United matches...for the opposition that is. =)

Saturday was SPMLS United training. Was feeling kinda tired but no matter, training still must go. HAve to cement my first team place (even though we have only 2 strikers and I'm one of them). Played a practice match and that was the first time our three-pronged strike force were in used.

I scored 2 goals and even though it was a mere training match, it really took away some of the weight I've been carrying. LAtely, I have to admit I've been getting frustrated by my lack of goals. And that 2 goals relieved me greatly. One goal was a beauty. MAnaged to beat the offside trap and scored a clinical strike when Wan went out for the ball. Second goal wasn't really much, just capitalise on a defensive lapse and scored an easy goal.

Though admittedly, I should have scored so much more. One miss was when Sarep lay off a superb ball to me only for me to shoot the ball inches wide of the post. Another miss wasn't entirely my fault for the ball got stuck in the mud while I was one-on-one with the keeper.
Imagine how surprised I am when going for a sure goal only to find the ball is 2 metres behind you, stuck in the mud. Sucks. I know.

BUT. my worst, most idiotic, most bloody....most *%*(^(!@#^!!@#&!(@# miss ever must be the one where I fluffed an open goal. OPEN GOAL. AND I WAS A FEW CENTIMETRES AWAY FROM THE GOAL. CENTIMETRES. WHAT THE HELL?!!

okie, lets just hope that doesnt happened during the match yahhh..

9th December 2006
St. Wilfred Stadium
G.O.H - Faizul

SPMLS UNITED vs ITE DOVER

we need your support!!

Line-up (SPMLS UNITED) :

GK- Wan Matrep Emo
LDEF - Arif
CDEF - Abdillah
CDEF - Nizam
RDEF - Yusri
LMF - Hadi S.
DMF - A. Hadi
C/ AMF - Ridz Wan Persie
RMF - FAwzey
CF - Sarep
CF - Sufyan

Substitutes
Amirullah
Hafiz
Anwar
Azhar
Ahmad
anyone else who could make it!!

2006-11-28T10:54:00.000+08:00

Pics from Sunday's Singapore Cup Final

Calm Before The Storm

Pre-Match

VICTORY!!!
and finally.....

MLS UNITED MENANG!!!

mcm betul jer...

2006-11-27T13:25:00.000+08:00

Its not the end that I fear with each breathe
Its life that scares me to death

Apologies to my readers for the unforeseen hiatus. It seems that the powers that be have decided to pull the plug on my tapping into people's wireless connection. Well, needless to say, it really sucks. For I do not have wireless connection at home. Oh well, lets just leave the past as the past for I am here now, and its all that matters.

Let see now, Saturday was MLS United training day and this time, we trained at a pitch. So officially, its the first official training session for MLS United. 15 people turned up and they are (in order of position):

Goalkeepers
Razali
Hafiz Schemichel
Amir Taibi
Wan Lehmann

Defenders
Abdillah Agger
Azhar
Anuar
Arif

Midfielders
Abdul Hadi
Hadi Kanu
Yusri
Wan Van Persie (wani)
Ahmad Carrick

Strikers
Sarep Solsksyafik
Sufyan Rooney

It was a fun training session, loads of laughter though kinda tiring. Didnt really pushed myself during the training session cos I didn't want to push myself before the training match. The training match was a 7 vs 7 match as Hafiz left halfway thru. I was teamed up with Wan Van Persie, Yusri, Anuar, Amirullah, Abdillah and our goalkeeper, Razali. Had a good match despite my foot injury. Got caught offside 2 times.Like always.
Had two moments of magic from yours truly. Once is where I jinked past Arif and was about to
cross to Wan when Azhar tackled cleanly. Second moment is when I tried to jink past Azhar but lost my balance halfway thru. Somehow, I managed to turn on the ball and get past Azhar even though I was falling.

After training sat around and eat and bla bla bla. And we set our plan to takeover the whole MLS by the end of the semester. oopss. you didnt hear that. =)

Sunday...Lets see now...

Sunday was one hell of a day. Firstly, went out with *dearest. Didn't do much, just walked around before sitting and talking at Esplanade. Kinda boring, I have to admit but it was worthwhile all the same. Get to see her, how can it not be worthwhile? Rindu la keterkann..

After that went to meet Ahmad, Sarep and Arif at Kallang MRT before proceeding to Kallang Stadium for marshalling duty for the Singapore Cup Final. It was a great experience for us to say the least. Despite having to stand up the whole match...okie fine..I admit...I sat down since my area has virtually nobody siting.ehehe. Best part was when Aliff Shafaein scored the winner. Virtually the whole Tampines Rovers supporters erupted into raptures, me included. Sarep, who was stationed at the 'hole' below mine, jumped up in joy and celebrated. I joined in the celebration, jumping around in joy for Tampines clawed back from 2-0 down to 3-2 up. The Thais, supporters and players, were all resigned to their fates as most of the supporters left straight away and the players are lying down in agony.

After that, we managed to get a picture with the Cup itself. WOOOO~~ and behind us was some Chonburi players. Were thinking of asking for their signatures or something, tapi dah tengok muka kan, seraammmm seyyy.ehehe
After that, went straight home. The End.

ouhhhhhh waitt...i forgot..

MANCHESTER UNITED 1 - 1 CHELSEA

Ahmad, mari kiter claim belanja dari Shafiq dgn Arif yerrr...eh eh eh eh(Ahmad's laugh)
=)

***Theres never a day, where I dont want *you to stay

2006-11-19T18:31:00.000+08:00

Am I being too cryptic?
Am I being too obscure?
Love kills, romance is dead
And I don't even trust myself
But I love you
And you can pull my wings apart
And pin me down under glass until the end of days
If it can help you discover that we share the same pain...

Its been one hell of a week for me.Loads of fun stuffs happened, though not without its highs and lows. Duh, this is life la, come on...

Last week was MST week. Don't wanna dwell on that. Was also Fundraising week at the Honour's United Bazaar. Was at the boothe the whole week although my duty is supposedly only on Wednesday. Ironically, Wednesday is just about the only day that I wasn't there. Was off playing...I mean, training at the street soccer court.

And yea, seems like I've lost some of my Midas touch. Or maybe its just because of my absence from the soccer pitch for dunno how long. And I admit that it's pretty demoralising when you miss an absolute sitter of which I could score easily a few months back. I really need to get back in shape. And fast.
And, someone says I'm like Michael Owen. I dunno whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. But coming from a LIVERPOOL fan, I'd take it as a compliment then. Got that nickname because of a moment of magic from yours sincerely. Sidestepped 3 defenders before slotting in the goal despite I'm off-balance AND the keeper coverd the angles. One word. MAGIC. woots.

On Friday was the last day of Fundraising. Got a whole load of whipped cream leftover so we had some fu with it smearing oin people's faces. FIrst up was Hilmi, who was a willing volunteer. Next up was...MR P!!! ahahaha. Sarep squeezed out th whipped cream while I simply splat the whole ountain of whipped cream from which Lin was eating on his face.hah. Tak slalu dapat bully President tau..

And, I got a taste of my own medicine after that. Got whipped cream splat on my face thanks to Sarep. And we both chased Wan, trying to get some in his face. And Sarep finally did that. ahaha. But then, its my turn to be chased by Sarep and Wan for..errmmm...touching touching...ahaha..
Nvm, that was the strike team bonding time.ahaha

After that, Me,Sarep and Hadi went around the school to pull of the poster of the fundraising. But we pulled of something much better AND much bigger. Shan't say what or wheree, just put it as we were the Banner Bandit Ninjas that time.ahaha. Had a whole loads of great time that day. It's nice to know that there's people as crazy as I am. =)

Yesterday was MLS United's first official training session. Not much people came though it enough. Namely they're:
Sufyan Rooney
Sarep Solsksyafiq
Hadi Gerarrd
Hadu (Abdul Hadi)
Ridz Wan Persie
Wan-third Lehmann
Amir Taibi
Anuar
Azhar
Wak Abdillah Agger
Fawzey Viera
Yusri Gay...okla, main2 jer..kekeke
Ahmad Carrick (cheyy)

Did I miss anyone out? ahaha
It was a nice training session. Though I'm still somewhat frustrated by my lack of goals and finishing touch.
We sat around the Musollah at T14 and just talked around before going off. Its nice to spend some time with the guys. And from what we can see, the Strike Team (Me, Sarep and Wan) so-called because we're spearheading the attack, are probably the only section of team that's clicking well. Probably some problems in the communications department perhaps?
By the way , I'm number 22. whee~ *wink*wink*

And here I am now, blogging. At Pak Busu's house. And I'm kriffing missing *someone really really badly. What to do, didnt chat yesterday, didnt get to see her these few days. How not to miss like that??
ahaha...sabar yan..sabar itu separuh dari iman...

some p.s

to Sarep : Jangan luper 7 tahun nanti dekat Convention Centre ehhh..ahaha
to Wan : Keep ur head up yeah...dun let it bring you down. In time, she'll realise what she thrown away. Keep smiling yar? =)
to Zif : Cheyy..progressing nampak...good luck and all the best to you bro =)
to Yusri : Yus is gay! Yus is gay! ahaha..takder la...main2 jer laa...jgn merajuk la kie..kiter kan brothers..ahaha
to Lin : Imy and Ily loads and loads laaaaaa...anywaykan, when you going to update you blog??

I know what it's like when memories make you wince
And love letters read like obituaries
And photo albums are the books of the dead
I need no reminders
No more reminders
I'll forget the past and lay it to rest

ohh..and before I go...

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO A GRAND AFFAIR AT SP CONVENTION CENTRE IN 7 YEAR'S TIME. GET THAT, GRAND AFFAIR. ;p

2006-11-15T00:11:00.000+08:00

Don't Let Me Go

Do you spend your days counting the hours you're awake?
And when night covers the sky you find yourself doing the same
There's a burden you've been bearing
In spite of all your prayers
There's a light turned off inside your heart
Can you remember what its like to care?

Knees are weak
Hands are shaking
I can't breathe

So give me the drug, keep me alive
Give me what's left of my life
Don't let me go, woahh
Pull this plug, let me breathe
On my own, I'm finally free
Don't let me go, woahh

The trail of crumbs you left somehow got lost along the way
If you're never meant to leave, then you only have to stay
But the memories that haunts us are cherished just the same
as the ones that brings us to the sky, no matter how grey
And yet I fall, through these clouds, reaching, screaming,

Give me the drug, keep me alive
Give me what's left of my life
Don't let me go, woahh
Pull this plug, let me breathe
On my own, I'm finally free
Don't let me go, woahh

This grip loosens but it never breaks
Carrying nothing but a name we will forsake
Your words are always there to break my fall
In them I find the comfort to see through it all

Guide me through uncharted waters
before we lost our way again
Will you be my compass until forever?
Until forever ends?!

Knees are weak, hands are shaking and I can't breathe

Don't let me go, woahh
Don't let me go, woahh

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its been a while since I last blogged and yeah, I'm back form hiatus. Though I still got two more papers still havnt sat for yet, so, waddehell. For some reason, I really couldn't care less about my MST results cos I'm planning to study like hell for my final year.

Been busy with loads of stuff lately. Helping out at the Fundraising booth everyday although my assigned duty was actually on Wednesday.ehehe. Rajin sangat la katerkan.
Studying abit for my MSTs. Got 71 for my Networking Essentials, even though I didnt studied for it. Was too busy chatting and playing my FM 07. Mwahahaha.

By the way, my Hereford United in my FM have successfully reached the Championship in 2 seasons. Woots, Damn, I'm good.ahaha. But the crazy thing is that the overall top scorer is...INDRA SAHDAN!! ahaha...67 goals in 2 seasons man...fuhhh...powerrr..ahaha. And my Man Utd secured the Treble (FA Cup, EPL and Champs League) =)

Okie, back to the real world...

Tomorrow gonna be my duty at the booth AND also doing props at the same time. So have to multi-tasking, gonna be running here and there between the booth and MLS room. So guys, if you don't see me at the booth, please don't think that I'm slackong off somewhere, I'm at MLS room doing props yarrr =))

And my *sunshine is sick!! Noooooooo... Get well soon okie *sunshine? imy and ily loads and loads =))

And one more thing...Love is in the airrrrrrr~~
No?
ahaha, just ask any of the MLS peeps. Some people are certainly real cheerful right now. eh eh eh =)

and...7 days to go.whee~

\m/

2006-11-08T11:40:00.000+08:00

All Because Of You (How It All Came True)

In a field where nothing grows but weed
I found a flower at my feet
Bending down to my direction
I wrapped a hand around its stem
I pulled until the roots gave in
Finding now what I've been missing,

But I know...
so I tell myself, I tell myself its wrong
There's a point we passed from which we can't return
I feel the cold rain of the oncoming storm

All because of you
I haven't slept for so long
When I do,I dream of drowning in the ocean
Longing for the shore, where I could lay my head down
I follow your voice
All you have to do now, is shout out loud

Inside my hands these petals brown
turning to dust, fall to the ground
But it was already too late now.
I push my fingers through the dirt
Return this flower to the Earth
So it can live
And I walk away now..

But I know..
Not a day goes by that I don't feel it spurn
There's a point we pass from which we can't return
I feel the cold rain of the oncoming storm

All because of you
I haven't slept for so long
When I do, I dream of drowning in the ocean
Longing for the shore where I can lay my head down
Inside these arms of yours

All because of you
I believe in angels
No, not the kind with wings
Or the kind with halos
But the kind which brings you home
when home becomes a strange place
I follow your voice
All you have to do now, is shout it out...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This will be my last post for the time being, as I'm going on hiatus for some time. What to do, a lot of stuffs coming up. With Fundraising, MST, soccer training, jamming sessions, Muzikarama and all that, don't really have the time to blog...

So, these few days have been somewhat tiring but oh-so-fun. Spending time with *her, with my friends, with my family and everything. The tiredness is well worth the time spent. =)

Well, right now, looking forward to 18th November...

Why, cos its the first training session for MLSFC. And I got my desired role as a forward. Actually, I can function anywhere as long as its an attacking role but I'm at my most destructive as a striker. To think that I was the best defender among my peers in primary school days. And also, among the best goalkeepers in my secondary school days. Okie, seriously, in street soccer, I can play virtually anywhere. Though at times I'm best at goalkeeping for God knows what reason. But there's no doubt that I'm truly at my best in attacking. Let see the records I hold for my sriking prowess..ehehee

- Alltime top goalscorer
-Never fail to score in a match (own goal also count.ehehe)
-Most stylo goal (Bicycle Kick)
and my fave record...
-10 goals in 5 minutes

ahhaa, waddya expect, Syahid goalkeeper what...ahaha

And I'm going to show you guys why I was given the nickname Wayne Rooney last time.Heh.

AND..I'm soooooo looking forward to 22 november..ehehe
I know you know that what I know, you also know, so shaddup. ehehe
k la, main2 jer la..ehehee

=)

Adios kempes amigos les cekadis
Peace out

Take care you all..and don;t miss me too much.
But still, miss me jgak tau..ehehe
pffttt

2006-11-02T10:41:00.000+08:00

Return From Exile

Weel, I'm back after a few days of hiatus. Was thinking of coming back next week actually, during e-leearning week, but since somebody wants me to update, well, here I am.

Been a nice week for me. Been spending alot of time with Lin. Though somehow, I have absolutely no idea why I still miss her alot even though we meet each other for lunch and other stuffs everyday. Yes, I love her...lots and lots.
And I think I've found the *one for me =)

So, I'm in class right now, can't blog much.
Well, got some important dates coming up...

6-11 november - E-learning week

7 november - Yngwie Malmsteen and Rising Force in Singapore

13-20 november - MST

13-17 november - Fundraising

22 november - ehehehe *winks*

Thats for November...and December have 3 Penjuru, Darmawisata, ouhhh, and Lin's birthday..ehehe...

okie, thats all...Arun Kumar's starting to walk around the clss right now.
oh, yeah..Nazif, if you're reading this, H STANDS FOR WHAT?!! bocor rahsia kau nanti

2006-10-25T22:14:00.000+08:00

So, its already like 2 days into Syawal but nevermind. To all my family, friends and readers, I'd like to wish you guys a Selamat Hari Raya. And let me take this oppurtunity to ask for forgiveness if ever I said, did or blogged something that might have directly or indirectly, purposely or incidentally offended you in any way.

So, Ramadan have gone and Syawal is upon us. For the first time in my life, I actually felt sad that Ramadan has gone and we've got to wait another year for it. Ramadan is God's gift towards followers of Prophet Muhammad. And now, it's got me wondering whether I'll be here next year to receive Ramadan with open arms. But, Insya-Allah, I'll be here. =)

This Ramadan is probably the best one I've had. What with the Iftar and RYC and all, it was a great Ramadan for me. To top it off of course, found *her. The icing on the cake, to use a cliche term. And this Raya will also probably be my best yet since I've got her by my side. =)

Yesterday first day was ok, I guess. And the takbir during solat Aidilfitri almost moved me to tears. Thought about how lucky I am to have all that I have right now. My family, friends and of course, my dearest cyg Pokey Bear. And I almost cried when I silently thank God for all this. Oh God, I thank you for all you have bestowed upon me. This life, and all what you've put me through have made me stronger,God. I thank you for every thing you have given me. A loving family, great friends, and of course, *her. Without you,God, I am weak. Withou you, I am nothing. Thank you God, for everything...

Well, yesterday was per normal, went to Encik's house before going to Atuk's house then to TJ( Tok Janggut) house and lastly to someone's house(can't remember how I'm related) before going back home. Got home, straight away onlined after bathing since someone's waiting for me and I also rindu that someone. ehehee

Annnddd today was school as per normal. Skipped the Network Practical since I was so damned sleepy. Waking up at 4 to wake her up issnt why I was sleepy. I think playing Generals is the reason.ehehe. ehhh, I not addicted la...at least not yet.ehhee

After that went to ........................................................................................................................................................................
and, THE END. Just put it like this, had a great time just now, and I can't wait for tomorrow

luv u cyg...

2006-10-23T00:30:00.000+08:00

I'm too deliriously happy and kinda sleepy to blog right now.
Why I'm happy?
Just put it this way

MANCHESTER UNITED 2
LIVERPOOL 0

And it was a dominant performance by the Red Devils too.

But the real reason why I'm delirious today is because of...

my Pokey Bear

thats right...

MY Pokey Bear

geddit? ahhaha

=)

luv my cyg alot

2006-10-20T22:58:00.006+08:00

Undying Immortal

Bound to the feet by my shackles of fear
So deep in pain over so many years
taken it all, without sheding a tear
As right before me, Death itself leers

But today I will fight
and laugh in the face of Death
As the battle rages on till the night
And only a bleeding corpse of mine has been left

I picked myself up again only to fall
For I am too weak,I'm only a man
Though I'm defeat, I still stand tall
Upon this earth, this God-given land

I rise up, facing Death again
For now I know I will prevail
My mighty sword bloodied with stain
A fight till the end, I will not bail

This is the story of my life so far
Wrecked with the hounds of insanity
I've always have been a fallen star
A victim of my own naivete

Now I've made up my mind
I'm gonna break through all these chain
Only then my true self will I find
Against all odds, against all pain

I wrote this poem a few days ago. Finished it only yesterday. The meaning of it is evident thru some of the phrases I used. Basically its about not giving up on what you want. On not willing to stay down even when Death beckons, but instead, rise back up and fight. I've always been like that. Even though I know the odds are totally against me, that my chances are totally low, I will still fight on. I'm the sort of person who would rather go out knowing I tried my best to do it rather then going out knowing that I failed miserably...I wanna go out in a blaze of glory =)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was an nice day though it didn't exactly started well. Supposed to wake up at 745 but instead woke up at 7 since someone messaged me.hehehe. So since I was already up, bathe and solat Subuh before spending a few minutes traversing Middle Earth in my Lord Of The Rings game.ahaha. Morning2 also want to play game eh.

Went out of the house at around 815 or so and into a damned thick haze. Was kinda weird actually since it rained before that and usually the rain would have washed away some of the haze. But instead, it increased. Anyways, just walked all the way to BoonLay MRT.

Got to school and saw Yong Long, which was lucky since I have absolutely no idea where my class is. ahaha. AND I didnt get to the wrong classroom. pfffttt.
1st up was Fundamental Electronics tutorial. Finally learnt something about FE. Understood what Logic Gates are about though my mind keep on thinking about Synyster Gates.ahaha.

After that was FE lecture and learnt about Kava-something maps. It was damned bloody cold in the class. I brought the temperature up but the lecturer insisted on it being brought back down. Hampeh btul...

So after that met up with Wan, who was at the classroom above mine btw, before going to FC5. Farid met us there and saw Syikin who was later joined by Hilmi. Farid started playing that blasphemious Jesus game again and Wan used my lappie to play DotA. A few minutes later went to fetch Lin from Main Library. Chey~ ok,shaddup...

Went straight to MLS Room after that and waited for Ahmad to come. He came and we carried the dulangs and went to Yishun via MRT. Inside MRT, we ganged up on Farid (kesian Wak, sorry yer.ehehe) teasing him about air kathira. Oh, Ahmad started it first btw. =)
Reached the house and put the dulangs outside before rushing off to the nearby mosque, which is Darul Makmur, leaving Lin to tend to the belongings. Makwe? Makwa? Makmur la bodoh..

After finished solat (we were late btw) went back to the house via cab and finished up sending to the other house. The toddler at the other house was uber cute!! I pinched her chubby cheeks and she smiled. Ahhhhhh..ahaha. Cute sey~~ forget to take pic...damn. Went back up after that.

Said our goodbyes at Jurong East MRT since Farid, Lin and Wan are going back to school and Ahmad is already otw to Dhoby Ghaut while I'm going home. Got home, messaged2, anddddd sleep. ZzzZZzzZZzzZZzz

AND now...lately I find some things changing around me. Though they're kinda like only small changes, they're noticeable nonetheless. They are:
1) I seem sooooo happy always nowadays.
2) I laugh wayyy too much
3) Late night sleep is back
4)As my classmate said, "Dah start msg2 alik time class nampaknyer"
5) I now have a sudden urge to poke someone
6)I'm getting more sentimental lately
and....
7) I love bears more than ever. (wink*wink*)

and yeah... I'M DELIRIOUS TODAY COS POKEY BEAR MADE AND GAVE ME A BEAR!!
WHEEE~~
ehehehe..peace out..
p.s. Kakak Ain, go get ur eyes fixed can? ehehe

pokey monster cyg pokey bear =)

2006-10-20T22:58:00.005+08:00

2006-10-20T22:58:00.003+08:00

Undying Immortal

Bound to the feet by my shackles of fear
So deep in pain over so many years
taken it all, without sheding a tear
As right before me, Death itself leers

But today I will fight
and laugh in the face of Death
As the battle rages on till the night
And only a bleeding corpse of mine has been left

I picked myself again only to fall
For I am too weak,I'm only a man
Though I'm defeat, I still stand tall
Upon this earth, this God-given land

I rise up, facing Death again
For now I know I will prevail
My mighty sword bloodied with stain
A fight till the end, I will not bail

This is the story of my life so far
Wrecked with the hounds of insanity
I've always have been a fallen star
A victim of my own naivete

Now I've made up my mind
I'm gonna break through all these chain
Only then my true self will I find
Against all odds, against all pain

2006-10-20T22:58:00.002+08:00

Undying Immortal

Bound to the feet by my shackles of fear
So deep in pain over so many years
taken it all, without sheding a tear
As right before me, Death itself leers

But today I will fight
and laugh in the face of Death
As the battle rages on till the night
And only a bleeding corpse of mine has been left

I picked myself again only to fall
For I am too weak,I'm only a man
Though I'm defeat, I still stand tall
Upon this earth, this God-given land

I rise up, facing Death again
For now I know I will prevail
My mighty sword bloodied with stain
A fight till the end, I will not bail

This is the story of my life so far
Wrecked with the hounds of insanity
I've always have been a fallen star
A victim of my own naivete

Now I've made up my mind
I'm gonna break through all these chain
Only then my true self will I find
Against all odds, against all pain

2006-10-20T22:58:00.001+08:00

Undying Immortal

Bound to the feet by my shackles of fear
So deep in pain over so many years
taken it all, without sheding a tear
As right before me, Death itself leers

But today I will fight
and laugh in the face of Death
As the battle rages on till the night
And only a bleeding corpse of mine has been left

I picked myself again only to fall
For I am too weak,I'm only a man
Though I'm defeat, I still stand tall
Upon this earth, this God-given land

I rise up, facing Death again
For now I know I will prevail
My mighty sword bloodied with stain
A fight till the end, I will not bail

This is the story of my life so far
Wrecked with the hounds of insanity
I've always have been a fallen star
A victim of my own naivete

Now I've made up my mind
I'm gonna break through all these chain
Only then my true self will I find
Against all odds, against all pain

2006-10-20T22:58:00.000+08:00

Undying Immortal

Bound to the feet by my shackles of fear
So deep in pain over so many years
taken it all, without sheding a tear
As right before me, Death itself leers

But today I will fight
and laugh in the face of Death
As the battle rages on till the night
And only a bleeding corpse of mine has been left

I picked myself again only to fall
For I am too weak,I'm only a man
Though I'm defeat, I still stand tall
Upon this earth, this God-given land

I rise up, facing Death again
For now I know I will prevail
My mighty sword bloodied with stain
A fight till the end, I will not bail

This is the story of my life so far
Wrecked with the hounds of insanity
I've always have been a fallen star
A victim of my own naivete

Now I've made up my mind
I'm gonna break through all these chain
Only then my true self will I find
Against all odds, against all pain

2006-10-18T22:00:00.000+08:00

Now here I stand with these blood on my hands
I fought so hard now can I understand
I'll break the seal of this curse if I possibly can
For freedom of every man

It's been a few days since I last blogged, so get ready for a lengthy one since there's a lot going on in my mind at this moment...

Past few days lessons have been as per normal for me. CRS on Monday was kinda crazy cos we're juggling between two jobs, having to find an article and doing a review. The Lecturer actually wants us to pass up our articles the next day but since we're damned good at multi-tasking, we decided to give it at the same day. I finished mine in like...1 hour and then walked around, helping my classmates. I officially became the English Specialist (so-called) that day since my lecturer made it a point to tell the whole class of my distinction for O'Level English. Mesti korang menyampah nyer eh...
oh, and one more thing, YANNADEY PATTI PATTI WHEIL WHEIL!!!! ahahahahaha

Tuesday didnt have IDEAS in the morning, so get to go to school at 12.yey!! First time this semester that I actually get to wake up late.heheh. After Maths was break and Networking Essentials. Jafar cabot the class while I played games all the way. Anyway, Networking Essentials are teaching us what Data Comm already taught us last semester, so its all moot point.

Today...alrighty...what happened today eh?
Start of first with networking practical. Its fun actually, learning how to access other's computers in a network. Kinda how a peer-to-peer client works, I think. So yeah, after that was Java Programming Lecture. As always, didnt listened to a single bloody thing. I was watching Pirates Of The Caribbean (Dead Man's Chest) on my lappie.ehehe..shhhhh
That movie was darn funny and yet full of action. Johnny Depp was at his acting best, Orlando Bloom too and Keira Knightly was just nothing short of amazing.
Best part was when Jack Sparrow...pardon me, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, faced off with the dragon or sotong or whatever its called. Kinda cool actually...just like how I want to go out. In a blaze of glory. =)

After class went to T16 first to meet up with Farid and Azhar before going off to GEMS with Azhar.GEMS was as usual, borrriinngggg. Ended up chatting with Nazif halfway thru and had to offline since he's going off to MLS and my class is finishing anyways. After class, went down to T16 to find Farid, who was still playing that stupid blasphemious Jesus game before going off to MLS.

Reached there and straight away performed our Zuhur, where we were joined by Wan. After prayers, we straight away got down to business. Brought out the stuffs, the bamboo poles..everything la. And I noticed one thing. Every Star Wars fan, and I'm speaking for myself here since I'm a big Star Wars fan, whenever they see a pole, or a stick which has a variety of colours, the first thing that will pop into their mind is this : LIGHTSABERS. One good example is just now. Azhar made a mad dash for one of the poles while yelling 'Saber duel! Saber duel' loudly. He was soon joined by the resident Jedi Master Farid and Grand Master, me.ahaha

So yeah, we had a load of fun doing the props. And the best part is, I GET TO PLAY WITH THE DRILL!!! and....I GET TO PLAY WITH THE HACKSAW!!! Its real coooolll!! and hurt my foot. Stepped on something sharp, till now don't know what it is but got some blood out of me, it did. Washed the blood off with some water before wearing my shoes back. Tu la, saper suro tak pakai kasut??

After that, almost late for buka. Farid and Yusry were to engrossed playing DotA that they don't want to move their sorry asses to FC3 to eat. And someone is already waiting there. ehehehe. So, me and Wan kept on yelling at them to stop playing and threatening to switch off the power till they finally relented. Went to FC3 and shared a table with Lin,Adaw, Azhar and Anuar. Bought our food and drinks all, in time for buka. Eat2, talked crap, eat2 and talk more crap. Lin didn't finished hers so I finished it for her. Not that I'm a glutton or anything yar. =)

After finished, just sit around and talked more crap. Most of the crap of course, coming from Farid.hahaa. And yeah, someone promised to share ice-cream with me but didnt give me any tau. ehehehe.. okie la, kiter main2 jer awak. =)

After that, mader our way home and bla bla bla, here I am, onlined.

So, here's what in my mind right now. I don't know, you guys are probably gonna give me a whole bloody load of stick for this, but, I'm gonna say it anyway. I just have this distinct feeling that Ramadan is a good time to fall in love. I know what you guys are gonna say, so hear me out first. During Ramadan, the Syaitans are all locked up right? Meaning that you're on your own. The bad stuffs you do can't be blamed on the Syaitan's whispers anymore. It's all about you, baby!!

So, from that, I derived this. If there's no Syaitan to whiper malicious words at you, it means that you're falling in love with someone because you really ARE in love, and not because of what the Syaitan have whispered to you. Basically, it means you're really falling in love with that certain someone.

Here comes "on-the-other-hand" part. It was said that Ramadan is the time for us to control our nafsu, meaning none of this romance thingy. But to what I know, its control you nafsu, not fight it till it dies. Frankly, we can never run away from nafsu. It'll always be there. Nafsu is what makes us human. So well , yeah...what do you think?

pokey monster and pokey bear~

2006-10-15T22:00:00.000+08:00

Sometimes life is altered
Break from the ropes your hands are tied
Uneasy with confrontation
Can't turn it right
Can't turn out right...

22 Ramadan
2nd Night of Lailatul Qadar
9 days to Syawal

So, Lailatul Qadar, the Night of a Thousand Nights are upon us.
These last ten nights signifies the revelation of the Holy Al-Quran and is said to be more holy than 1000 nights put together.

Yesterday saw the start of Lailatul Qadar and of course, the Ramadan Youth Challenge (RYC) of which I participated in the mass community service(Let Our Hearts Shine).
Went there alone since I was the only one among my friends who signed up namely Aishah, Azhar and Jafar who got the call to come and register for it at KACC.

Got off at Kallang MRT and saw Wan and Adilla telling the participants where to go. Went to the bus stop Wan pointed and saw Hairil, Azlin and Nani there. Waited with them for the bus for soooo long and at last made the decision to walk to KACC despite them telling me that it's far. Should have gotten there a lot more faster if someone had told me the right direction to go.hehehe. btw, I didn't get lost. I don't get lost. I'm a human compass.ahaha

Got there, regstration, then got my RYC. Its a long-sleeved polo. cool~ nice one too! ahaha
Lucky me, Nazif, Hadi, Anuar and Azhar was there, so at least got some people which I know. ader jgak kawan...

Got into our groups (re-shuffled). My group's consist of Sarep, Nazif, Khalis and me. Whihc is cool since the three of us (Me,Sarep and Nazif) already knew each other so no lengthy introduction needed between us, with the exception of Khalis, who is form Madrasah Aljunied.
After that, we proceeded to do our Zuhur prayers before starting with the makeover.

The house that my group were assigned to is a relatively easy one. Its the only house which doesn't require any painting. And the house is already sooo clean. So we didnt really do alot. I cleaned the fan, pasang the langsir and mopped the floor. Nazif and Sarep cleaned the toilet and wiped the floors clean while Khalis also swept the floor and cleaned the window panes

Needless to say, with our utmost efficient selfs running at full throttle, we finished our tasks in like...2 hours or so. I even managed to sweep clean the place for Iftar.ahaha.
We're the first team to arrive at the Kaumampos...ermm..I mean, Command Post. Wahh, like Amazing Race like that eh. We rested for like 15 minutes before they received a call, asking for more manpower to help. Since we're done with our jobs, we volunteered to help. MARATHON!!! YESSSARRHHH!!~~~

Went to help out at Syikin's group which is...A13 if I'm not wrong. Me and Nazif are supposed to help out with the painting, but since we're bot having a bout of flu, we only helped out in pulling the furniture to one side before going off in search of more groups to help
Halfway thru the corridor, met Arif and Zee. Asked Arif if there are more groups needing help and he just tols us to walk around and help out in any groups. Oh, and I acted like she wasn't there...again. What the hell is wrong with me. I know I'm not angry or something...but...damn...
And yeah, not picking up my calls purposely right?

Backkkk to ssstttoooryyyy

We walked around from one block to another, helping out wherever that needs help. Needless to say, we're like some kind of inspectors. Popping in while they're doing their work and asking, "You guys ok? Good? Ok best", before walking off. After that, since no one needs our help, we walked back to Kaumampos. Once we reached the Kaumampos, Lin called me and told me that some people are needed to help with giving the hampers so, yeah, I'm in.

So give the hampers, bla bla bla, meet Dr Yaacob Ibrahim...bla bla bla, Iftar...bla bla bla, terawih and then to Al-Falah. Before that, had a lot of fun teasing Lin and poking each other.heheheehehehehhehehehehehhehehehehe~~ ok, stop that..
Did our street dakwah there at Hereen. Sadly...eh wait..fortunately, didn't see many malays there. So we went back to Alfalah and waited for the rest of the groups to come back.

Then we did a self-reflecting thingy with Abang Hamid and yeah, it nearly brought me to tears. It just reminded me of how weak we are. How impossibly useless we are without Him. Without Him, we are nothing. Without Him there is nothing. He put me under all those tests, those heartbreaks, those failures to strengthen me. Everything happens for a reason. Though sometimes, the reason is not clearly there, they still happen for reason. There's a reason why I walked away. There's a reason why all these happen. And in time, it'll come to you.

After that we went off to Assyakirin, though I got on the wrong bus. But don't care, since going to the same place. Soon as we reached Assyakirin, I had this sudden sense of belonging when I looked at the Masjid. It seems so long since I've been here. In short, for me, it was Home Sweet Home =)

Had our supper in the basement and Wan Emo joined us. Went to the 1st floor to have our nap. Didnt planned to sleep actually, was caught up msging someone all the time. Actually been msging nonstop from the bus going to AlFalah.heheheh~

But sadly, halfway, stopped msging and I fell asleep.ahaha. mcm btul jer kater tak nak tido.
Woke up for Qiamulaill. The rest are like sooooo hard to wake up. Me and Wan had to wake Sarep, Wak and Hadi up, then prevent them from sleeping back, which is something hard. But then, finally did it. And started the Qiam

After finished, went to the basement for our sahur. Nasi Lemak..mmmm..aahaha. The Kathira is having a chain reaction with everything else in my stomach and is going to explode anytime soon. So after Sahur is Subuh and after that is HOME!!!!

Actually, I wanted to wait for Lin. But Mt. Vanuatu is about to explode and I cant keep holding it all in...uurrrgghh. So, sorry Lin, got to go!!! And while waiting for the bus, told Wan that I sense something amiss. And it turned out to be right.ahahaha. Wad did I told ya? I can be a Jedi Master..ahahaha

Ahhh..so got home just in time for the eruption and after that, just slept. Woke up at 1140 and saw the message which is 4 hours late. hehehe..tak la, kiter main2 jer awak.. =)

So yeah, I've got some pressing matters I wanna blog about, but I think it'ss have to wait tomorrow then. Cos I'm bloody sleepy right now.

Assalamualaikum
=)

P.S 9 days left to get as much bonus points as possible. Stock still got alot. If you didnt claim by 9 days time, then you'll have to claim next year. If you think that's ok, then you're wrong. Who guaranteed you that you'll be here again next year? So, don't hesitate. Do it NOW!!
May God light your path...

2006-10-13T23:51:00.000+08:00

Its not the End that I fear with each breathe
Its Life that scares me to Death...

Just got back from Geylang with my family. Sort of a last minute decision made by mum, so, just go la.

Bought new baju raya and this year wil be BLACK!! Yeahhh!!! I'm a stickler if it comes to the colour black. One of my faves other than red, white and blue. Damn, dah macam flag US gitu eh.haha. So, went to buy baju raya before going to eat at Pelagi Food Court. Got a whole pizza all to myself since Sakinah got stomachache. Dah macam tong sampah gitu ehh..hehe

After that went home via cab. And now, I'm kinda annoyed with this bloody rinning nose of mine. I think I may be down wth flu, so tomorrow's RYC cannot marathon like during Iftar. Damn, camner nak impress orang tu ehhh..hehe.

Maybe should have take it slow instead of overexerting myself. Seriously, I have absolutely no idea why I like to purposely push myself to my limits during Ramadan. And yeah, seems like my limits are getting higher these passing years since I'm nowhere ner breaking point. Mind over matter.heh

Speaking of mind, the war just started again and its really shitty. And oh, I'm not talking about the war on terror or anything, I'm talking about the war between my heart and my mind. Its kinda shitty to have your heart and your mind constantly overwriting each other. This is the reason why I'm a bit indecisive at times.

Its just like me to think about it so thoroughly that in the end, I followed my heart. And yeah, following my heart usually brings about disastrous results cos my heart's sort of like to see things the way it wants it to be seen, not what it truly is. But the my mind is... I dunno...people say I think wayyyyyyy too much.

Its like I like to dwell on a problem. And I wont move on till its solved. Its just like me to see a problem and want to solve it although sometimes I issn't my problem. I have what people say, a keen tactical, analytical mind. Its not because I play alot of strategy games or whatsoever but I think its soething I was born with. When I see a problem, I not only think of ways to solve it. I will think of all failsafes possible to counter every possible failure.

And one thing about me is that I like to second guess people. I like to think ahead of them just so that I can see how predictable they are. And most of the time, my guessing is correct. Though some people tend to be very unpredictable and there's where the fun begins. But the thing is, when my guessing is wrong, it usually leads to disastrous consequences.
All of these is derived from this saying I found :

Be not only three steps ahead of the current play but also two steps ahead of your enemy. At the same time, also be one step ahead of yourself

sounds confusing? Its not, actually. Basically, it means that you have to always be on your guard. Always be ready for anything, meaning that think of all possible avenues of attack and think of how to counter them.

So yeah, I'll stop here for now since I'd better get to sleep right now or you guys wont be seeing me doing the marathon tomorrow, meaning that I can't get to impress her.ahaha.
And I suddenly got this distinct impression that someone's pretending to not know who that someone I'm trying to impress is..hmmmm...right?

Told you I'm good at second guessing =)

2006-10-12T14:18:00.000+08:00

Part of me, don't agree
Cause I don't know if this for sure
Suddenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure
Anymore...

Well, first things first.

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY TO FARIDAH!!
chocolate nanti aku bagi yerr =)

Alright, lets get down to business. Just now Java practical was a real dumb class. Paul Lee just sat there at the front doing his things and left us to our own devices. And literally, he did left us alone.With our laptops.Filled with games.Geddit? hehehe.

So, while most of the class are playing DotA (Defence of The Ancients to all you noobs out there) me and Jafar played....POKEMON!!! haha. Yeah I know, kinda childish right? Both of us are playing the FireRed version.hehe. Didn't play DotA since I'm not really a fan of that game and I just uninstalled my WarCraft 3 software from my lappie. =)

So, spent the whole lesson switching between playing the game and chatting with Azlin and Wan at the same time. Kinda confusing actually cos I'm using MSN Plus tabbed chats. So, the probability of forgetting to change the tabs and having put the wrong msg to the wrong person is kinda high. Especially for someone who is as error prone as me.hehe

Yesterday was props-making day. Had fun there with Nazif, Yusry,Farid, Azhar and Wan. Had a load of laughs though we did finish our work and well, we played alot too. Walked at the roofs. Alright Farid, next week we'll walk to the other end oryte? haha. Had fun making fun of Emo (sorry Wan). Nazif did an impression of an Emo guy slitting his wrist though his impression looks more like a violinist playing the violin.haha. Then, Farid showed us a video...actually its two videos of a G.I Joe cartoon which is dubbed over. Very2 funny. Go to youtube and watch it la...and also the parody of Star Wars Episode 3. That one's a classic.

Mum have been asking why suddenly I've been like sooooo involved inMLS. First Iftar, after this is RYC. Next will be the Fundraising. Then its Muzikairama, then insyallah, Tiga Penjuru and finally, KEM 07. And yeah, I badly want to be involved in KEM next year. Badly badly badly. hehehe =)
Why exactly I've been so involved? I didnt answer her but if I were to, this will be it:
One day without me seeing the smile of one someone's face because of something good I did is a day wasted

So yeah...anyway, I just found one poem that I wrote but didnt get the chance to have it given because of the falling out. So, don't think I wanna post it here though if you wanna see it, just ask me..maybe I will let it be shown. And also, looking at the poem made me realised that it was wrong of me to ignore you and act as if we didn't know each other last Saturday during Iftar. But still, I smiled at you but I highly doubted you saw it. And well, I'm to blamed for totally ignoring you and acting as if you weren't there while we were outside the kitchen.

So sorry...though you probably are already so damned sick of me saying that.

My weakness is I care too much.
It has always been that way...

2006-10-10T14:46:00.000+08:00

Dilated

Yesterday I forgot to breathe
for the 6th time this week
Maybe its the pink cloud strafed sky
That changed my mind and brought me back
Seems like everyday its killed or be killed

With all these anger there's no time
To inhale and progress and catch the smell of something
you once knew
Because everyday its bear the load or break
When will it be too much for me to take?

Have you ever stopped,
Raised your head towards the sun
and screamed?
Let it out,
Exhale the pain
that strangulates the soul

When will I be free?
My lungs take in the fragrance of remorse
What is the cost
of this life I'm living?

If you let your lungs fill up with pain
then you'll drown in your own regret
My arm feels so numb
My heart palpitates,
missing a beat

The blood freezing in my veins
The taste of rust in my mouth
But today I throw it all away
Though the light blinds my eyes
I will not be blinded

If you blink,
you could miss so much
Please don't ever close your eyes...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having my 2hr break right now at T1611. Most of my classmates around me are shooting their asses off playing CS. Got tired of playing since I'm always at the losing end. pfftt. Fine, I admit, I'm bad at playing CS but give me a real M-16 and I'll take out a target 100 m in one shot.
Marksman-rated.heh

Now blogging and playing with my Guitar Pro software. Kinda nice. I played with it during class once and my lecturer thought I was a pro songwriter.haha. Seriously, I'm more of lyric writer. I leave the songwriting to my abang sedara.hehe. Though sometimes I do came up with a tune or two.

Alrights, pics from Iftar 06 on Saturday.Ahhh, what great memories of that event I hold..ahhhh.
wonder what is the sweetest memory yer.. ok..shaddup..

1st pic: Farid the Dulang man
2nd pic: Azhar the Water Boy
3rd pic: The setan2 which somehow tak kena lock-up during Ramadan are around me...
4th pic: Farid and Wan kene nyany nasyid-core.haha
5th pic + 6th pic = 7th pic. enuff said

yup yup..so thats it. Better pay attention in class right now. haha.

Azhar? Asmah? hahaha..SALAH!!!!!

2006-10-08T23:23:00.000+08:00

Embrace the emptiness
as it enfolds you...

Arrgghhh. My body is damned aching, thanks to my one-man assisting machine show yesterday.
Alah,buat tu semuer pun nak impress orang tu jugak kan?hehe

And no complains here. I already know that I'll be feeling the aches when I get up in the morning
soooooo, salah siapa? Salah sendiri kan? So, better shut the hell up. Anyways, the pains are well worth it since yesterday was one hell of an event.

Today just rested at home and didn't go for madrasah cos I can't even get out of bed in the morning. Didnt do much just lay in bed and onlined for awhile. Slept after Zuhur. Woke up around 540 and realised that my body wasn't aching like before though my back and my arms are still aching abit. thanks to someone for talking and not helping

Lucky for me, ask my sis to massage for me and when she's finished felt so much better. Love you sis! hehe.

As you can see, I'm somewhat happier than normal right now. Reason being what?
And the reason is youuuuuu...
okok, merepek. The reason is, pfffttt. Not gonna say it here. Nope, no matter how much you beg, I still wont say it here. Want to know? Go ask my trusted advisors, Shakinah,Azhar or Farid. Or Wan Emocore also can. If you ask me, maybe only I tell you. Maybe ahh

too toired right now...gonna fall asleep anytime soo......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2006-10-08T01:04:00.000+08:00

**Attentzione**
From this post onwards, I'll try not to say any unsightly four-lettered words. Its not because of people complain or whatsoever, its more of a desire to change my past failings =)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just got back for Iftar a while ago, and woo~ it was awesome!!

Literally worked my ass off, running here, there and everywhere helping out wherever that needs help. Though it was kinda shitty that they told us to come at 10 but the thingy started at 130.

Though Farid were assigned to the logistics area, he joined us at the food area as part of the Food-Logistics Coalition Forces. And that was when all four of us, me, Azhar, Wan and Farid had a hell of a time. We were told to mingle with the outsiders but we chose instead to be the so-called 'welcoming committee'. The wierd thing is that people stopped coming when we took it upon ourselves to welcome them. Maybe it has something to do with the 'escaped-monkey' sound-like heard fro m T11A 4th floor.hehehe (it wasnt me)

And today, the quote of the day is: "A Jedi's life is a sacrifice."
Why? So-called because of us having to sacrifice a lot for the...erm..better good.haha
First up was Farid's sacrifice during the icebreaker games. Thought I was gonna be number 34, but Farid accidentally say number 34, so out he goes!! Fuhhhh...nasib...

Another one is me and Azhar foregoing our real buka to take some cold water at T18 just so that the Iftar people have some cold water to drink. Cleaned the cooler, rinsed it and filled it up with cold water before runing back to T15 so that they could have the cold water. And yeah, it was damned tiring. But well, sacrificing for the better good have always been part of my life, so, wasn't much of a big deal for me.

Before that, me and Azhar had to carry the mee hoon from FC6. It was damned heavy and not to mention hot. Arif was there but he didn't help much (he went MIA after buka btw) just keep on talking with Falina while me and Azhar were struggling with the heavy mee oon load. Told Arif to help Azhar instead of me cos his load was about to topple over before literally running all the way to T15. After that, my arms were shivering like hell and all the veins on my arms were popping. Style~

The best part of Iftar has to be the cleaning up part at the end. Run around as if in a marathon, helping out wherever I could. Close the dividers? I was there. Rearrange the tables and chairs? I was there. Bring everything to clubhouse? I was there. Terawih? I was....erm....lets leave that unsaid, shall we?

Was really doing everything as if a man possesed. Azlin ask for people to help her rearrange the tables, I was the first one there. She ask for people to close the dividers, I was the first one there again. And the best part is, I didn't feel tired, more like exhilirated.

The scene outside the clubhouse after that was like, as Azhar put it, a group of refugees from Lebanon coming together. Drinking water like there's no tomorrow, not even using cup, just togok. Even Suhailah got into the fun but Azlin keep pn asking for a cup saying something about tak sopan or something along that line. Fine fine, I know. It is a bit tak sopan, but you've got to do when you got to do (macam btul jer gitu eh)
.
Fawzey was really funny when the cups finally arrived. A whole mob was scrambling for the cups and somehow, Fawzey got there first since he betul2 gelojoh. End up, his cup is the one cup that has a hole in it.hahahaa. Moral of the story? Siapa siapa yang tak sabar, confirm dapat cawan berlobang.kekeke

After that, salam everyone and went home. The bloody haze got thicker I think. Even the Dover Station is foggy.sheeeesshh. Health hazard.
Got home and found out that the packed food Azlin packed for me was really alot. I think can last for 3 sahurs.haha. takperla, rezeki jangan dibuang =)

So lastly, sorry for my twinnie for didnt see you waving at me just now cos I was too intent on looking away from you-know-who. And I've got prove that I'm moving on. You want to know it? go ask Azhar or Farid. They know what is it, cos I can't stop yapping about it just now to them. =)

To Kakak Ain: Baca btul2 lerrrr.. I said FRIENDS, not family or relatives...jauh tuuuu

2006-10-05T22:13:00.000+08:00

Fields Of Despair

Can you feel the pain inside sometimes in my mind?
In the land of loneliness the sea of blood runs cold
Is the feeling lost inside within the sins of all mankind?
Time after time we stood united on and on we go

Fly far away, don't let the world pass you by
Live for the day when we must stand and survive
Now we face the judgement day our souls will cry in pain
Hear the screams of my sorrow in the rain

Silent fields of despair, my tears in the rain
Pain in my heart bleeding through
One day I'll be back for one moment in time
Endlessly searching for you...

Who can cure my emptiness inside for this time?
Sufferring from loneliness my dreams and hopes will die
No more feelings inside my blackened heart I can't deny
Time after time our souls divided on we cry

Fly far away don't leave your own past behind
Live for the day, another day passes by
Now I turn and face my fear there's nothing more to say
Still your dreams and my nightmares remain

Silent fields of despair, my tears in the rain...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alrighty, lets see now, what did I do today...hmmm..

Today Java Practical was kriffing boring. Aran Kumar is on course at university so Paul Lee takes over. Yes, Paul Lee, the lecturer who pronounces 'rest' as 'breast' and 'double' as 'tupple'.
Just our luck to have him take over. And the bloody thing is, he didnt even teach one single fucking thing. He just gave us the assignment and expect us to do it without any tutelage. Dude, we didnt get Bs for Java Programming because we're good at it. We got Bs because we copied! And yes, Aran Kumar was aware of our copying, but he thought we understand so its ok. he thought la..

End up, the whole kriffing class played CS with the exception of yours truly. Don;t get me wrong. Its not that I act good or something. Its because I couldn't be bothered to disconnect from pDa4SP server and connect to spwireless server. Troublesome la. End up, I play FM by myself while the rest are shooting their asses off. After that, straight away went home and sleeeeeppp before waking up for break fast.

I have announce ment to make. My mind have made a terrific comeback from behind and have successfully won the war. Meaning what? Means that I'm gonna move on and forget about her. So yeah, Arif (or whoever else) you've got a clear shot now. Good luck. May the Force be with you.

Looked at Shakinah's blog yesterday and it got me thinking that it's been along time since I last expressed my gratitude towards my friends. So here it is...

Nurshakinah(My dear twinnie) : you're the best twinnie I could possibly have. Thanks for being the only person to support my mind instead if my heart. and also to Lopipop, cute nyerrr!! hehe =)

Syafique(G82F Lead Guitarist): Dude, frankly, you're the best amigo anyone could have. Always the level-headed one between us and your advices always put me through. Though our views conflicts at times (especially about Rooney-Ronaldo, thats a classic) maybe thats why we click well. Gracias Senor.

Azhar(G82F Lead Vocals) : Another amigo who shares the same passion as me. Been great knowing you all these years, same as Syafique. This is the guy who stick by me when some others truned their back one me during Sec 2. Thanks Azhar...or more affectionately, Aa. (does that sound too gayish?)

Syahid (G82F Keyboardist) : Ninja Turtle, Mondog, Elmo. A lot la his nicknames. Its wierd that when we first knew each other, we didnt get on good terms. Sort of always arguing and in my part, hitting him. But now, Syahid, along with Azhar and Syafique are like the brothers I never had. Thanks Syahid. =)

Iman (Wildboys Retards) : The Poleman. So called because of his tall and skinny frame. Also the self-proclaimed King Of Porn. Great guy to be with. Never failed to cheer people up with his craziness and cam-whoring. I've never seen a picture in which he wasnt looking at the camera and smiling. And another thing, Happy Birthday Iman!!

Fadhirul (Wildboys Retards): The metrosexual. Don't ask me why, Iman gave him that nickname. Another great guy to be with. Has a big heart for his friends and but when playing soccer, can be very tamak.hehe

Hambaly : The BIG guy. A presence not to be trifled with. Sec 3 and 4 wont be the same without him and Adi in the class. Was great to have these two sit beside you and fuck the teachers up.

Adi: The craziest, obnoxious guy I ever known. Never failed to make me laugh at class. Probably the one other than Nick to fuck the teachers up good. Thanks for the memories, dude.

Logan: My favourite striking partner. Never failed to set-up loads of goals for me to score.haha.thanks man.

Aishah: My 'darling'.haha. Always so happy to see me right? Always act cute, sometimes its a bit iritating la. hehe. Always go to her to help me with my POA but sometimes, I was the one ended up teaching her.haha. Thanks Aishah!

The rest of 4/1 '05 : You guys are the greatest. We didnt get the title of craziest class in JSS history for nothing right?haha

Siti Fairuz and Hayati: Close presences always felt during Secondary School. Always there for me and very much appreciated.thanks!

Liyana: Though we didnt talk much during Pri School, got to know you alot more better now. Seems that we have the same problems though is kinda directly opposite.haha. thanks for helping out!

Anggun.:Another one who shares the same problem as me. Always there when I need her and never failed me before. Though just 15 years old, she is wise beyond her age. Gives me good advices too! thanks!

Ruthiran: the narcissist. Possibly the only person I had the pleasure of knowing who is obsessed with his own body.haha, kidding la dude. He might seem quiet but get closer to him and you'll realise there's more to him.haha. It's been great knowing you

Alfian: My best bud in primary school, now my GEMS classmate. It's been great knowing you all these years. thanks..

Amirullah: The person whom I always talk about religious matters with. Cool guy, an example to show that faith and rock can mix, like me. Has a big heart for his friends. Thanks Amir..

Farid( Wak): The extrenist, literally and thereotically. Always goes for the extreme. Always there when I need him. A good guy to be with. Thanks wak. Pinjam jin bole?hehe

Ridzwan: The first friend I made in KEM. We've been good friends ever since. His advices on you-know-what kept me from giving up. Thanks wan..

The rest of the Asroq ppl (Nurul,Miza, Farhan,Faisal and Atikah): thanks for the memories, you guys. And oh, WE STILL RULE!!

Zee: What more can I say here? Seems that I said all I can about her. Thanks for everything. the superb four months, the faith you relighted and of course, for changing me for the better. THANK YOU!!

Everyone else from KEM: Thanks for making my first step into poly life a nice one.

Everyone from 1A/22: My gaming buddies cum classmates. Always play games during lectures and yeah, wanna play CS during practical again?haha. Looking forward to going through Poly life with you guys. Thanks...

To everyone else I had the pleasure of knowing but hadn't had a chance to put you name here, I'd say a big, heartfelt THANK YOU for getting me where I am today!!!

If you think I'm going to it to see your face, you're sadly mistaken. My love for you has flown with the wind but my love for Allah S.W.T will never waver

2006-10-04T22:12:00.000+08:00

I'm not angry, tired or sore
Just more of a man than I was before
Is this the cause I was looking for?
I plead forgive me
For I am no martyr

Feeling so much better.
And before we start off, I've got an announcement to make.

Are you ready?

Its gonna be a bit of a shocker.

Here it is...

FERNANDO TORRES IS GOING TO MAN UTD!!!!
YAHOOOO~~

and why am I so excited about this? Well firstly, Man Utd IS my fave club, ever since I was small. And another thing is despite my despise for Spanish players, Fernando Torres have always been a favourite player of mine. I don't really know why I have a hatred for Spanish players though I think its because many of them are handsome but not really talented like a certain guy by the name of Raul. At least Fernando Torres is one hell of a talented player.
So now Man Utd have 3 of the best young talents in Europe, name Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo and Fernando Torres. Historic treble again anyone?
Who put the ball in the scouser's net? Ole Ole Ole Gunnar Solskjaer!!

Just now lecture was bloody boring. Ended up chatting with Kakak Ain throughout it. Though our Networking practical was a whole damn load of fun. We were taught on how to access one another's shared files by networking protocols. Since we have nothing to do, and being the specialists that we are, all of us accessed Julaika's shared folder and spammed it. And spammed we did. At the end of it, the folder was burstig with 1000+ files, no thanks to Zhe Yuan's overzealous copying. Needless to say, Julaika wasn't the very bit amused by it.

After that was GEMS. Saw Arif waiting for Zee I think, since they are in the same class. GEMS was ok, but was bloody sleepy. Fell asleep halfway through but my new friend, Irwan, woke me up. Irwan's a second year Mechanical Engineering student. He's 20-something if I'm not wrong.
So, yeah, he woke me up and I spend the rest of the lesson trying not to doze off again.

After lesson straight away went home. Walked with Aishah since she wanted to walk home also. Went out seperate ways at Boon Lay Library traffic light. Went home and bathe, Zuhur and played CS for a while. Then registered for RYC. Helped Azhar and Jafar to register also since they want to go also. Cool ahhhh. Many many people!! The more the merrier!! wooohoo~

After that bla bla bla buka then onlined...

Wooo weeee. Now I owe Fard and my dear twinnie 3 chocolates. Haizzz..
Nvm~~

And one more thing...
I GOT A PET MONKEY NAMED LOPIPOP!!!
thanks to my twinnie for the name.
HAHAHAHAH

kk, i'll talk about my state of mind in the next post yarrrr

oh yeah...can't wait for Iftar!!

So pull this switch and see my body twitch
As we dance on this memory
Despair has devoured me whole
A seed wont grow from this soul
This pull wont cure my disease
Can't you kill this beating heart?

2006-10-02T21:28:00.000+08:00

Aren't you tired of being weak
Such rage that you could scream all the stars out from the sky
and destroy the prettiest starry night
Every evening that I die

Feeling rather fucked up, pissed, hurt , angry, dissappointed and oh-so emo right now. So get ready for one hell of a post. P.S: No one is spared. And I mean, no one.

Firstly, stop telling me to let go of my anger or whatsoever. Unless you haven't noticed, I'm not angry. I'M FUCKED UP. If I'm a Jedi, I would have turned into a Dark Lord of the Sith right now. Ok, lets stop this crappy Star Wars talk. But the fucking thing is, I can't fathom the exact reason why I'm so pissed off right now. It's been awhile since I felt ths way. And right now, I'm trying hard not to give in to my anger. This bottled-up anger within me that I've kept for so long is straining under all these pressure. And soon, I fear its going to get free.

And now, I've seen many people contradicting themselves. Syafique, you're one good example of this. Last time, you told me to always listen to my mind. Because what the heart says are often misleading. But dude, when I asked you whether or not I should turn back or just walk away, you told me to listen to my heart, which says turn back. Is that not contradicting?
Dude, its not that I don't appreciate your help. I appreciate it alot. You are one of the few who I trust to confide in.

And to some people out there, guys, shut up! Stop saying that life's unfair. Tell you this. Life's never meant to be fair. What shit you've been through, those are nothing. Nothing, I tell you.
You wallow in your sorrow just because you didnt get something you want. You cry out because things didnt go your way.

To these people, I'll give you a big FUCK YOU. If I can live with these shit people throw at me, with all these obstacles God put me through and I emerged victorious, then so can you. Tell me, did you witness two people die, watch you whole fucking world crumble and fall and got your heart broken so fucking bad all in just 8 FUCKING MONTHS?!

That shit happened to me. See if you can top that. But do you see me wallowing, not wanting to go on with life or staring up to heavens yelling, "WHY ME?" ? NO! I don't. I just go on with my life, as battered as my soul may be, as pathetic as I feel. To you guys wallowing, tell you this, "Get the fucking hell up so you can fall again." Crazy? Maybe. But to me, the only way you learn, the only way you know is when you fall. So that you know what to do not to make the same bloody mistakes again. Experiencing pain makes you stronger to it. Experiencing pain will make you numb to it. And when you're numbed, you'll fear nothing

I can't let go, no matter how hard my twin is telling me to. I just can't. Don't you see what's happening to me since I walked away? I'm losing control. Why? Maybe after what happened, it just makes me feel hopeless...pathetic and just oh-so fucking useless. I just feel as if nothing can turn right anymore. THAT is the effect you have on me. When you're here, I feel as if nothing could go wrong. Everytime I get angry, I just look at that beautiful smile of yours and my anger is faded away. But now, all those are gone. And all I have are memories of us.
Zee, I don't want you here. I NEED you here...
wihtout you, I'm a little less human and a lot more bitter and cold...

Am I being too cryptic?
Am I being too obscure?
Love kills
Romance is dead and I don't even trust myself
But I love you
And you can pull my wings apart
and pin me down under glass
until the end of days if it can help you discover that we share the same pain
I just hope that you write your thesis before the subject is dead
No life after death

2006-10-01T23:17:00.000+08:00

Life is floating fast away
Everytime I look, you head's turned away
From the moment I left, I knew something wasn't right
And this feeling inside have kept me up all night
We are like one heartbeat...

Ahhh...kinda tired right now from walking all over Geylang woth my family. Break fast there as well. Unlike the last time I went there, didnt see anyone that I know. Bought a lot of kuih raya. But that wasn't for Hari Raya. Those are for me and my adik-adik to eat. haha. Mum's gonna make the kuih raya. Its been a ling time she makes them, so gonna see if they come out ok.heheh.

After walking around, took bus 30 home. Very loooong. Remembered Azhar told me it was a trip of around 1 and a half hours or so when he accidentally took 30 that one time. And yeah, got on at 830 and reached Boon Lay around 1000. Very stiff from sitting down the whole time. Or as someone once said, "Pantat boleh swollen".

Top: Lights at Geylang
Middle: Shopping for flowers
Bottom left: Syakir nak beraya
Bottom right: kuih raya..woohoo

And thats all. I wanna watch Manchester United Vs Newcastle already.
And oh, before I forget...

The 4th Avenger, Johnny Christ!!
I'm back..in black..

Why Johnny Christ, you ask?
Just put it this way,

Azhar - Matt Shadows (because of his voice)
Fadhirul - Synyster Gates (because of his hair)
Iman - Zacky Vengeance (because of his height)
Me - Johnny Christ (because of my hair)
Hambaly - The Rev (because of his drumming skills)

Take note that I'm supposed to be Synyster 'cause Fadhirul know nuts about the guitar and my expertise surpasses them. Ok la, not really expert, specialist jer...wonder where I heard that before eh? haha

ok, till here then...

still missing her

2006-10-01T16:33:00.000+08:00

Oh.

Hmmmm

Ok..

I dunno what to say

But...ohhh..mum's yelling at me to get off the lappie and siap to go to Geylang.
Shheessshh

Anyway, my hair now's a mohawk.

JOHNNY CHRIST IS BACK!!!

yep yep. Thats me.

Ok, better go off before she starting yelling louder.

haha

and I miss her....pfftt

2006-09-30T00:36:00.000+08:00

It feels like the light will never reach me here
I'm choking back my longing for shed tears
So strangulated by my lonesome fears
Please don't worry too much
It only hurts when I breathe...

Day 6 of Ramadan
Day 5 of Polytechnic 2nd Semester

Yep, a whole week has passed ever since Ramadan and the second semester started.
Not much happened in this week. Just the usuals, school, eat,sleep,fasting...bla,bla,bla
GEMS on Wednesday was a fun affair. Me,Iman,Imran,Azhar and Aishah took the same GEMS and found out that Yusry and Muhammad (Year 2) also in the same class. So, yeah..cool, knew alot of the people there already, makes it easier and more comfortable.haha

Got a little pissed up with Zac, the class chairman. As a leader, he's supposed to be decisive. But yet, he's bowing down to the minority. I mean, dude, you support the majority. We make more sense in the argument and yet you bowed down because of those two. YOU ARE THE LEADER for goodness sake!! You have the power to overwrite them. That's not called abuse of power dude. You do have a right to make decisions that serve the greater good of the class. Damn...

And yeah, saw Zee just now when she was going up the staircase at T16. I was going to T16 study corner from Foodcourt 4. I wasnt eating la. Just meeting my friends before going to Solat Jumaat. Didnt call out to her cos I was...ermm..scared? Ok, seriously, I dunno why. Just in that point of time, didn't thought it will be a good idea to call out to her.

After school today, went to Geylang with my family to break fast. When we first got there around 730, there wasn't much people. But as we walked, soon enough, it was jam pack full. Walked around before taking the taxi home. By then my legs are threatening to kill me.

I don't know why but lately, I've been purposely pushing myself to test my limits. Taking it to the extreme. Walking to Masjid Darussalama and back to school under the hot sun when taking a bus is much cooler. Walking home from school even though I was already bone-tired. Forcing myself to listen to those songs that will bring back memories like Warmness on The Soul, International You Day.

I have absolutely no idea why I'm doing this. I think I'm testing myself. Trying to see if I will break. Also, I think that I'm building up my strength and will which has severely eroded because of what happened. So severely eroded that only hope and faith kept me going for a while. Like I said, Faith gives Hope. And with Hope, you will gain Strength. And thru Strength, you will build up your Will.

Can I turn back now and take back what I said? Or should I keep on walking away?
Like I told you before, its downright impossible for me NOT to have feelings for you after all these changes I've been through because of you. I hope someday, Insyaallah, Allah S.W.T answers my prayers and opens your heart to me. I really hope. Till then, you will always be in my prayers. And don't worry, I won't forget your birthday =)

Can't wait for next Saturday working with Iftar Manpower
also, thinking of signing up for RYC under Al-Falah Youth-SPMLS Coalition Forces (Wak's term)
But hmmm..dunno eh..see how la

Quote of the day: Depends on what you want. You want her to think of you in that way,which is untrue, or you want pahala? Your choice (Wak using his underhanded ways to help me.Thanks)

I miss you...alot

2006-09-27T23:15:00.001+08:00

The Crimson

I feel it welling up inside,
And Robert Smith lied, Boys do cry
And with blood tears in my eye
I'm an Anne Rice novel come to life
I can't fight the monster no more
One can only feel desolate for so long
Until one starts to change
Into something even the mirror don't recognize
I metamorphisize
The darkness has been bidding its time
To claim its latest victim
Fresh meat for carnal desires
To become, what I became
I view the sun for one last time

Will you still hold mewhen you see what I have done
Will you still kiss me the same
when you taste my victim's blood
Its all so crimson and red
I feel it falling from your lips
My heart is dead and so are you

And it pulses through,
The desire to change
To deconstruct all my past failings
But where to begin?
When you live in sin
its hard to look at saints without them reflecting your dark auras at you
And all I have is hope
My inner burn's not fading
I'll wipe the blood from my cheek
And get on with my day

And all I have is hope
And all I need is time
To bury in pine under six feet of time
The lies I told me about myself
Claw my way out
Pick the splinters for under my fingernails
Just live and breathe
Try not to die again

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, its been 3 days since school started again and nothing's changed much.
Still the same classrooms, the same classmates.
The only thing's changed are my modules and lecturers.
Oh, and yeah.
I noticed something too.
This time, unlike last semester, I spend less time messaging on my handphone.
I wonder why eh...

Lets see now, nothing much have changed this few days.
Just that the Muslims in my class are becoming more closer
which are me, Jafar, Zac and Azmil.
Ever since Zac and Azmil decide to join me and Jafar in prayers.
Sempena Ramadan la kirekan.
So yeah, ever since Monday, we haven't missed one prayer time
And all those times I was the Imam since none of them want to lead.

Come on guys
Is it so hard to be the Imam for once?
I mean, being the Imam is like a big honour.
And all the time I see, be it in school or praying during Madrasah,
people will be pushing each other to lead.
Their reason for not wanting to be Imam is usually they're not good at saying out the Surahs or they can't remember any long2 Surahs.
Please la. You want long-long Surahs to be read during Solat Fardhu.
For instance, Surah Al-Bakarah to be read during Zuhur.
You must be joking.

You think this is still in the Prophet's era?
I'm not saying that you can't recite it.
By all means, if you want AND if you can remember it,
Alhamdulillah, go ahead.
But please, be mindful of the situation.
Even short Surahs have very much content.
And still, some people might thing that you're trying to show off by reciting a looooong Surah during Solat Fardhu.
But thats what they think only.

You might argue that the Al-Bakarah is recited at Masjidil Haram all the time.
DUDE!!! LOOK AROUND YOU!
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE MASJIDIL HARAM TO YOU??
we're at a staircase landing, for crying out loud.
haiizzz..
the lengths people go just to justify themselves right even though their in the wrong..

So, tomorrow gonna have Java Practical
Going to see Arun Kumar's face again.
Haiyooo..him again.
Nevermind la..
And after that gonna go to SGH to see Atuk
He just had his operation just now.
And Alhamdulillah, everything's fine.

So yeah..till here...wanna sleep already,
If no, cant wake up for sahur.
heheh

2006-09-23T23:06:00.000+08:00

Memories

In this world I tried
Not leaving you alone behind
There's no other way
I pray to God, let her stay
The memories ease the pain inside
And now I know why

All of my memories keep you near
Inside of my mind wish you were here
All of my memories keep you near
In silent whispers, in silent tears

Made me promise I'd try
To find my way back in this life
I hope there's a way
To give me a sign you're ok
reminds me again its worth it all
So I can go home..

All of my memories keep you near
Inside of my mind wish you were here
All of my memories keep you near
In silent whispers, in silent tears

Together in all these memories
I see your smile
All of the memories I hold dear
Darling, you'd know I'll love you till the end of time

All of my memories...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, tomorrow's going to be Ramadhan, the long-awaited month. For kids, this month is long-awaited since it signifies the coming of Hari Raya. But for me, its long-awaited for this month is Allah's greatest gift to Prophet Muhammad's followers. The time for repent and goodwill is here, my friends. Let us wash away our past sins and ask for forgiveness so as to turn over a new leaf.

So, these few days have been somewhat weird to me. Found myself listening to Simple Plan and all those pop-punk bands though I made a vow not to listen to them anymore. Its been two years since I last listened to a Simple Plan song. So, been thinking back about my erm.."musical history". Like from what genre I started all that. So here it is. This is theoretically accurate, I guess. =)

Primary school days (1996-1999) - Boybands (We all have to start somewhere right?)

Upper Primary to Secondary 1 (2000-2002) - Rap Metal (Linkin Park.DUH.The shit at that time)

Secondary 2 (2003) - Ska/ska-punk (Madness, Less Than Jake. Thanks to Abang Nizam)

First few months of Secondary 3 (2004) - Mainstream punkrock (Simple Plan, Good Charlotte,etc. Punkrocker in the making.heheh)

Towards the end of Secondary 3 (2004) - Hardcore punkrock/metalcore (NOFX, Anti-Flag, Rise Against,Avenged Sevenfold... Hardcore punkrocker.heheh)

Birth of Gate To Freedom/ Secondary 4 (2005) - Heavy metalcore/a bit of Black metal (Atreyu, Trivium, Cradle Of Filth, Behind Crimson Eyes...venturing to the hardcore world)

After O' Levels (2005-2006) - Opera/Symphonic Metal(Nightwish, Within Temptation, Evanescence...all with female lead vocals. Me likey~)

Start of polytechnic (early 2006) - Emo/Emocore (Story of The Year, MCR, Fenix *TX...you damn well know why I became emoshittified. So don't ask)

NOW (present) - Classic Rock/Speed Metal/Metalcore (Atreyu, GNR,Scorpions, Bon Jovi, Dragonforce, etc...I'm getting sentimental lately..)

So, that's my musical journey. Some of the bands I actually heard off quite some time ago though I only focused on them on the timeline given.

So, as you can see, I'm not a fan of the mainstream. Never liked listening to RnB or all those stuffs you hear in the radio nowadays. Even the rock stuffs that come out in the radio are nothing short of mediocre. Almost all have the same rhythm. No solos. Wtf~

One reason why I like the underground scene better is because of the lyrical content.
Listen to RnB and you'll always find them singing about love and love and sex. Like, what the fuck man...issnt there anything else to sing about??

But try listening to metal, or hardcore punk. Their lyrics not only address love and such, they also address the political side of life. They address what is happening around the world. Listen to sum 41 or Rise Against or Anti-Flag. Look at their lyrics. You'll find out that their lyrics have much more content.

True, you might say that usually in Metal or punk rock cases, you cant hear the singing or there's too much shouting. But to me, liking a song for its beat while its lyric makes no sense whatsoever is like liking a girl for her beauty, while her inside's nothing.
I'd rather listen to a song with very much meaningful lyrics but doesnt sound really nice than a song with nice beats but have crappy lyrics

yes, I am THAT particular when it comes to lyrics...

So, anyway, dunno if I said this before but... I think my heart just won the war. Cos my mind's not bothering to counter what my heart feels. In this case, it looks like I'm in for more pain...lucky I'm numbed to it. =)

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT BULAN RAMADHAN YANG MULIA INI.
PUASA TAU...JANGAN TAK PUASA.
=)

2006-09-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

Paradise for you? I cannot tell,
But undoubtedly, your beckoning is hell.
There is no time for you to repent
I'll take your soul for which I'm sent.
--Excerpt taken from "When Izrail Beckons" by Amirullah

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Something I Could Never Have

I still recall your scent that lingers,
the echo of your voice still ringing in my ears.
My dreams of you still wash ashore
Haunting me till I don't wanna sleep anymore

You make this go away
I'm just down to one thing and I'm starting to scare myself
You make this go away
I just want something
I just want something I could never have

You always were the one to show me how,
back then I didn't know to do the things I did now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Gray would be the colour if I still had a heart

You make this go away
I'm down to one thing and I'm starting to scare myself
You make this go away
I just want something
I just want something I could never have

In this place I see, its all such a shame
it looks different but its still the same
Everywhere I look its you I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be...

That was the best I could come up with. Losing my touch, I think cos I don't really think its as good as the ones I did before.

So, anyway, went to hospital to see atuk just now. But reached there, saw Cik Rahman packing atuk's stuff. Discharged already!! YEY!! ATUK'S OK!! WOOHOOO!!.. so, followed Cik Rahman send atuk home before meeting up with Azhar at Jurong East Swimming Complex.

We went in, thinking that Hambaly, Fadhirul, Iman and Logan is already inside, but searched for them in vain. Found out later that they went to eat first. Wth~
So, waited for them and when they came, straight away changed. Went inside the Lazy River first. Before anything, Azhar already slipped and fell. But luckily we were already in the pool at that time.

True to our title as Wildboys Retards, we each take turns to dive into the pool when inside the cave. I did a 360 turn, the same as Iman. Fadhirul did a spinning thingy while Azhar also did a 360. Logan was always, the scaredy-cat and Hambaly, being Hambaly, made the Deep Impact.haha, TSUNAMI!!!!

After that went on the slides. Shouted stupid, nonsense things as we slid down. And of course, Hambaly made the biggest impact.DUH!. And Logan made the smallest one since he got stuck halfway thru and his speed was relatively slow. Don't ask me how he got stuck, its totally beyond me.

After that played Ice and Water in the Lazy River. Me and Fadhirul became the catcher and we caught all of them in like what, less than 5 minutes, i think. Ok fine, we cheated.heheh. After that, Azhar and Iman became the catcher. And...me and Fadhirul cheated again.hehe

After that was Logan and Hambaly's turn. And...you guessed it, me and Fadhirul cheated yet again.ehehheehehhee.Damn, we're good...

I cant really post about the state of my mind right now cos I don't really know. The only thing I know is that the war is subsiding, but they're still constantly overwriting each other, and its totally driving me insane...haizz..

I'm running a race against myself...and I'm losing..badly..

2 MORE DAYS TO RAMADHAN!! WOOHOO!! SALVATION IS NEAR!!

2006-09-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

We're too busy with our own demands
as time slipped thru our hands
Its too late to understand
the writings on the wall
When the eleventh hour call
And Humanity will face it's fall

I think I just broke my toe. And the hairline fracture on my right foot is yet to heal. Damn, i'm so full of injuries, like professional like that. But no injury short of the major ones, is going to stop me from playing soccer.

Played soccer just now with Fad,Iman, Ali and Logan. Showed them what could have happened if Rooney were to be on form during Sunday's match. We played against some Westwood Sec kids. Won them 5-0. And I scored 3 of them. And one of them is a real beauty, something which only I can do. Scored a scissors kick ala Peter Crouch, but minus the long legs.

Lately, I think I've improved in my soccer skills. Last time, I prefer to be more of a target man. Just stay up front and do the finishing. But now, I prefer to playmake. I noticed I've been doing more dribbling and the best thing, I can get pass a lot ofdefenders. Luck? Or skill? You decide.

Did my GEMS registration just now. Took Everyday Chemical Hazards, same as Azhar. Same class some more.heheh. Wednesday afternoon at T1633. Actually wanted to take on Tuesdays but no more seats. So sad...

Recently, my mind's been entertaining the thoughts of embracing the dark side again. That is, live by hatred, like how I use to. And I think, its about time I did that. Since Love can't heal me,
at least hatred can make me numb to the pain. And just for the record, I'm not talking about hating people, more so her. I'm just saying that I'm allowing myself to turn to the hatred, the bottled up anger within me to help me with this.

And one more thing, its not that I act as if I know everything. I did that because I got the wrong meaning and I thought it was wrong. As a Muslim, its my job to rectify it. Didn't you even think for a minute what could happen if people gets the wrong idea? It'll not only be on his head, it'll be on mine too cos I did nothing about it. I never did say I know everything. I was merely doing what The Holy Prophet asked of us. To spread his teachings no matter how small. I don't know why you're doing this. Maybe you're still angry at me. Maybe you think by doing this, you can make me hate you. The fact is, I CAN'T. I CAN NEVER FIND IT IN ME TO HATE YOU.

get it?

2006-09-18T23:24:00.001+08:00

Cos nothing lasts forever,
and we both know hearts can change.
And its hard to hold the candle,
In the cold November rain...

My back's starting to hurt again!!

Though its not as bad as how it used to hurt last time. Doctor said that it was condition I got when I was young, something about me hitting my back against something last time. But wierd, only felt it hurting early this year, which was at...Jurong East Library, at that time. Stretched too much and...crack!!. Woohoo. But that doesn't stop me from vigorous activities. heheh

Anyways, went to visit atuk again just now. Amir accompanied me since he's always asking me whether my atuk is ok or not, so I just ask him to tag along. Atuk was surprised to see me there, alone. He was surprised that I took the time to travel all the way to Changi Hospital to see him whereby my cousins who lived near there have yet to see him.

Actually, I feel abit apologetic since I only went to visit him at home like once every few months and its been 2 months since I last saw him. And now, seeing him there in hospital just tears me apart. We talked about a lot of stuffs.

About when he was still serving in the army, about me, about polytechnics, about my cousins, about yesterday's Man Utd vs Arsenal match and finally about the crisis in the Middle East. Its fun to talk to him. And listening to him talk, its hard to picture him in this predicament. But its all just fate, I guess. And its nice to see his sense of humor still there.

After that, met up with Fadhirul and Iman before going to Peninsular while Amir went back home since he had to teach his cousin. Fadhirul had a shopping spree at Penin, buying Pantera, Avenged Sevenfold, Slayer and AC/DC t-shirts, a stud belt and a chain. Iman bought an Iron Maiden t-shirt and a stud belt while I bought only an Atreyu t-shirt and a HIM t-shirt.

The HIM t-shirt is nicey~ Has the band's heartagram logo in front of it. The heartagram is not a satanic symbol whatsoever, despite its similarities to the pentagram. In fact, it symbolises the embrace of love, life and death. The Atreyu t-shirt is also a nice one. The band's name on the front and what makes me attracted to it is the writing on the back. It reads :

If I gave you enough pretty words, would you paint a picture of us that works?

Its taken from one of their songs. I don't remember which but the meaning is deep. I won't put the meaning here, try figuring out that for yourself. =)

So, after the shopping spree at Penin, we went to Plaza Singapura cos Iman insisted that Singapore Idol roadshow is held there today, so just to get him to be quiet, we went over there.
And voila! It wasn't there! So, nvm, we went to the Yamaha Music Centre and play with one of the guitars. Then went down to the Creative shop and look at MP3s. Look downwards and saw Zee working. So, Fad and Iman forced me to walk pass Secret Recipe, so waddehell. Though this time, I turned to look. She was busy attending to a customer and didnt look up. So, just walk on before going to Burger King to grab a bite. Went straight home after that, taking 174. Bloody slow the bus. sheeeesshh. Reached home around 10.

My mind and my heart is still in a state of open warfare with one another. And I'm still holding on. I'm doing well actually. Just holding on, trying not to relinquish this grip. Refusing to be broken. I shall not be broken. I refuse to be broken.

Anyways, this November Rain song been's stucked in my head for a few days already. Its real nice and sloowwww...

I WANNA MEET YNGWIE MALMSTEEN ON 12 NOVEMBER!!!!!
but somehow, I got this niggling feeling that I'm forgetting something ut importante on that day...

2006-09-18T23:24:00.000+08:00

If I gave you enough pretty words, would you paint a picture of us that works?

2006-09-18T01:13:00.000+08:00

FUCK CRISTIANO RONALDO!!!!!!!!
BLOODY IDIOT, DON'T WANT TO COUNTER-ATTACK
WASTE TIME ON THE BALL. THINK HIS DRIBBLING SKILLS SO GOOOOOD!! THEN KENA TACKLE AND IT LEADS TO ADEBAYOR'S FUCKER GOAL

ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

huh...Ok,feel so much better now after that. Manchester United just lost 1-0 to Arse-Anal. ok, don't want to talk about that.

Went to Changi General Hospital just now to see Atuk. He got sudden heart attack yesterday. But he seems ok to me right now. Kak Yana, my cousin and head-nurse at Changi General Hospital, said that Atuk's condition is wierd since the doctors couldn't find anything that could have caused the heart attack.

Atuk's 68, but he's real strong for his age. I remember that ime he played soccer with me and my cousins. My cousins are national footballers, having come out in newspapers quite a few times. Anyway, my atuk is physically very fit for his age, so the heart attack was somewhat surprising.

Bu still, atuk's sense of humor is still intact. He keep on pestering the doctor to let him go home when the doc came to check on him. His reason? He want to watch Man Utd vs Arsenal tonight. But its lucky they didn't show it there since he might get a heart attack again after seeing what Cristiano Ronaldo did.haha.

Went straight back home after that. Was thinking of going to Tampines and see the RYC thingy, but don't know what bus to take and my EZ-Link's only good for one more trip. So, go back home and manage to catch Chelsea vs Liverpool second half. After that, onlined for a while, looking for guitar tabs ...

Now, for my state of mind these days. I'm holding on. But barely. Even my parents noticed this change in me. Said that I was awfully quiet. How could I be myself when this constant war between my heart and my mind is reaching breaking point? Liyana told me to stop thinking too much, but I can't. Its just me. Even the smallest thing can make me think alot about it.
My teacher said that I had a analytical mind. And I totally agree. When I see something, or for instance, in tactical situations, I not only think of how to defeat the enemy, I will think of a way to appease them or maybe make them my ally. Its just me. I don't think of just one solutions. I think of a dozen failsafes.

And sometimes, it really kills me to be thinking too much. It's fucking hurts when your mind says something and your heart says the opposite. Right now, my mind's saying that its right for me to turn my back on her and walk away, for friends can't have feelings for each other. But my heart rebelled at that thought. Its telling me to stay put. Be there for her. Telling me not to give up.

And as always, my mind's rebelling at that by telling me that she's not going to change her mind, her heart's set, you can never be more than just friend's with her. Walk away now before you end up getting even more hurt. My heart countered by telling me to have Faith

And this is FUCKING TEARING ME APART

It bloody is. I wish I could be like others. Just follow what my heart says. But I can't. You know how I feel don't you Syafique? You've been through this before.

I'm caught in the middle now. Everytime I see her onlined, I have this burning desire and longing of my heart to chat with her. But everytime I almost did that, my mind will reason out why I shouldn't...give me reasons why. Just like the other day at Plaza Singapura. Yes, I did saw her, for I walked on the fourth floor first before going down. When walking pass, my heart was telling me to turn. but my mind said no. Just look ahead. And I did part of each.

But now, I'm really torn between the two. Which way? WHICH WAY?!
And for the record, no one can help me with this. This means you, my friends. Thank you for your concern Syafique, Anggun and Liyana. But this is one war I have to win by my own. And the only one that can help me is God.

God, please, help me make the correct decision. You are the only one I turn to in my time of need. I need you now, more than ever. Please God, give me guidance in taking the right path.
Amin.

P.S. I just got my new timetable. And I L-O-V-E it. Go home at 12 on Thurs and Wed. WAKAKAKA!!!!

2 P.S GET WELL SOON ATUK!! I WANT TO PLAY SOCCER WITH YOU AGAIN!!hehe

2006-09-16T00:26:00.000+08:00

The whispers you hear are nothing but lies
The whisers you hear are not even truths
You'll never know till you hear the cries
Till you're hanging from the noose

Today is a WET day. Figuratively and practically speaking. Was raining the whole afternoon, ever since I stepped out of the house to go to Solat Jumaat at Al-Mukminin Mosque.

It was bloody raining cats and dogs and puppies and rabbits and so on and so forth. Supposed to meet Amir at the block in front of the mosque, but somehow ended up at the block opposite it and the only way to get there is to go across the road. Meaning getting wet. So, waddehell, just cross. Alah hujan sikit jer, kater hardcore..

Went inside after that and met up with Azhar. After Solat walked to Jurong East Interchange. Get wet again. A little rain won't hurt anyone. Took MRT and went to Orchard since Amir havnt been there for quite some time and we took him to go jalan-jalan. Walked all the way to Plaza Singapura while laughing about stupid lame jokes all the way. Hey..we're lame and we like it.

Went all the way up to the Yamaha Music place to look at electric guitars. Thought of buying a Zildjian drumstick or one of those multi-rod drumstick, but, don't really see the use of buying one since I'm born to be a guitarist, not a drummer. =)

anyway, an interesting trivia, the multi-rod drumsticks are created by Travis Barker, one of which is used in "I Miss You" video, back when he was still Blink 182's drummer. Back to story, Azhar played with the drum set on display. He's quite good to be exact, has good rhythmic skills. That guy's really multi-talented, can sing, can drum, can play guitar, can dance...who can forget his infamous mop-dance done during Sec 2 CIP in which he broke 2 mops while trying to do the tango.haha

After that walked down and walk pass Secret Recipe. I know Zee is working there. Yeah, she didn't tell me but there's a lot you can derive from how people answer your questions and from bits and pieces of information, you can built a whole picture. And I'm good at putting things together. And I think, unless Fatmah told her she saw me there with Fadhirul and Iman the other day, Zee still didn't know that I know she worked there.

So anyway, just walk past. Forced myself not to turn and look since Fatmah is at the front, waiting for customers. Though I did turn at the last minute but didnt see Zee. Walked to near the escalator before I turned behind and saw Fatmah calling someone over while looking at my direction. So, I presume she's calling Zee over to ask whether the person she saw was really me or not and Zee would probably either say, "Yer ke? Takkan dia tahu maner aku keje?" OR, more likely, "Biar ah kalau dier, aku tak kisah pun". Or maybe, she might think that we just happened to walk there, when actually we're aren't. See how scary I can be? I can get into people's heads. WOO~ I'm a psycho-psychologist.haha

After that, went to eat at Burger King downstairs after walking around findng an ATM. All the while the ATM is right in front of us. Damn. haha. So we ate and joked. Joked until Coke came out of my nose goddammit!! It was a stupid joke started when Amir out of the blue told us that Adi Dasler created Adidas and his brother created Puma. I went on to say that Adi Dasler's father created Hugo Boss and his grandfather created Kappa before taking a sip of my Coke.

Amir then asked, "Then Adi's pakcik created what?". Azhar pandai2 go and say, Asadi. Asadi is the brand of Amir's slipper, a ciplak Adidas brand. Somehow, that really tickled me and some of the Coke I was drinking went out through my nose, which really is icky...yeargghhh...

Made our way home after that, and Me and Azhar took the wrong direction trains. Instead of taking the Boon Lay-bound trains, we took the Pasir Ris-bound train. And azhar said he actually noticed it but didnt say anything..yeahhhh riiigghhttt. That coming from someone who took the wrong bus and ended up in Geylang instead of Jurong, its kinda hard to believe..

So, I'm bloody sleepy right now, wanna get some shut-eye. And Zee, if you're reading this, which I higly doubt you are, but just in case, its not a question about whether I was scared to acknowledge you just now. Its a question of whether you will even acknowledge me if I did that.
Think about it. Will you?

2006-09-13T22:28:00.000+08:00

I see my world crumble and fall
before my eyes
Dark will turn to light,
in time, I'll be alright...

I've got an announcement to make..

I PASSED MY MATHS!!!!

mwahaha..that was damned unexpected. Thought I was gonna flunked it but, waddehell, a D is better than an F right?? Did ok for the rest I guess, got GPA of 2.9 which coincidentally is the same as Zee's and Shakinah's. 2.9. Not really a good GPA but hey! I was expecting 1 or something. Azhar got 3 while Amir's is 3.7. Bloody smartass.haha

So as a celebration today, followed Abang Zam go jamming. And as his so-called 'pass-maths' present, he let me play his Stratocaster. hehehe~
But only for a while. But that's fine with me. As long as I get to play on it, I'm happy enough. =)

Looking at Abang Zam's band play, I really could see them winning Battle Of The Bands. And maybe, just maybe they could be performing at Baybeats next year. Hope they do, cos they're good enough to be performing there. Maybe if they do, I could ask Abang Zam to have a 'guest guitarist'. Guess who? ME!!! haha.

Wouldn't be great to be performing up there? All those people watching in awe as I shred my guitar to the tune of Second Heartbeat's solo or maybe even one of Dragonforce's solo. wooo~
okok, wake up Sufyan, that bloody Stratocaster is giving you too much delusions of grandeur.

Anyway, me passing my maths is nothing short of a miracle. Maybe it really is since I remembered after our paper, I said to Jafar, "It needs a miracle for me to pass and a truly divine intervention for me to get A" So, as you can see, miracles do happen. Only to those who believe. Maybe it's God's way to tell me that He's still with me and always be. That the obstacles He put and of which I went through just recently has made me stronger.

Thank you, my Lord. Without you I'm weak. Without you, I'm nothing. You have given me strength, will and hope with every passing obstacle that You have put before me. I hope that I have done adequately and done what is expeted of me. You are my Saviour and You are the only One I turn to in my hour of need. I am grateful, my Lord. Allahuakhbar!!

You know, actually I feel like blogging about Star Wars or maybe Metal, the two things that have changed my life. But looking at the time, I wanna sleep. Cos gotta wake up at 3 to watch the Battle of Britain, Manchester United vs Celtic. WoooHoo!! Rooney can play already!! yeahhhh..okok, maybe tomorrow then. So long...ehhh wait! I wrote something just now, thought of putting it here, so here goes:

Trail Of Broken Hearts

Here we are, far beyond the distant sky
We've seen all of the world and how the story would turn over
Through the snow and tainted mountains we have climbed
Now we have found the light that guides us over

Through the falling rain we travelled far and wide
and through the blackest darkness with stars shining bright..

Through the sun and winter rain we'll fall
Our our lives were spent waiting for a sound to call
We're walking hand-in-hand in dreams and endless time
How do we know when we will leave this life behind?

Staring life through eyes of mine to hate the fear and the pain
There's a voice saying deep inside, The life you live is in vain..

Fly away down the lonely roads of yesterday
Close your eyes to see the light of better days
And all the memories that time could never heal
with a trail of broken hearts flying free

Once again we walk this lonely road
There are times that we are wading through the rain and cold
We're lost in memories of what we left behind
relive the dreams, the endless screams of pain inside

Lives are filled with emptiness
The fear returns once again
Searching endlessly only to see
Drown your mind in the pain

The last temptation is all there's left for me
When I see those smiles she smiled
When I hear those laugh she laughed
When I see Your creation now for an enemy
Is this the reason to be?

The trail of broken hearts flying free...

2006-09-12T22:19:00.000+08:00

The winds and air above smells of death as angels sing of the end
Nothing you say and nothing you try will change time
Human race, prepare to die...

Its been a while since I last blogged properly. So here goes a proper entry.

Been playing soccer nonstop since yesterday. What to do, I might as well get some excercise rather than just st at home and grow fat. Soccer yesterday was a nice affair. Played with Hambaly, Logan, Fadhirul and Iman. Started off playing against some chinese kids from Westwood Sec.

To put it nicely, we owned them. Won 5-0. Hambaly was impregnable in the defence. Which is really a big thing to say considering that he's not really that good in defending because of his big frame. However, it was his big frame that saved many goalbound shots yesterday. Maybe the opposition strikers are intimidated...I don't know, or maybe we're just too good.
I scored 3 goals. Which is expected.haha.
Its nice to know that I still havn't lost my Midas touch in front of the goal after a long while not playing.

After that played 2-on-2 with me teaming up with Fad the Islander against Iman and Logan.
Played like S-H-I-T because we were laughing most of the time but still, the score ended up 3-2 in my team's favour. Got a little bruised up in that match cos I fell over the barricade while going for the ball and yeah..it hurts. Hurt my knee abit. But continue playing...come on la, hurt a bit only. No injury is too great for me to stop me from playing

Today played again, though only with Iman and Fadhirul. Played against the same chinese guys as yesterday. We were winning 4-0 but we lost the match 5-4. Why? Because me and Iman were too over-excited when going for goal cos we're both on a hat-trick. Spurned multiple goal scoring chances, which is so unlike me. But is expected of Fadhirul.haha. That guy can somehow convert a OPEN goal into a OWN goal. Just how skillful is that? I bet even Ronaldinho can't do it!!

Its wierd how hard you're trying to forget someone but she keeps on appearing in your dreams. Its been 3 straight days that I've been dreaming about her. And don't get me wrong, it's not like those disgusting dreams, just dreams of what could have happened if we're still friends. Haiz...why are these dreams mocking me? Didnt I fall hard enough already?...damn...
And somehow, I know it has something to do with myself wanting to see her again.

Ok FINE..I know, its my own fault. But you think its easy to forget her just like that? SHE FUCKING CHANGED MY LIFE!!!! I wonder where I might been now if i hadn't met her. In jail maybe? She is the reason why now you see me gone for a few minutes five times a day. She is the reason why you see me crying in my prayers. She is the reason why I learned to love again. SHE IS THE REASON WHY I FUCKING DIDN'T THROW MY LIFE AWAY.
And did she know all this? Nah..I seriously don't think she knows how much of an impact she made in my life. And I doubt that unless she reads this bloody blog, she'll never know.

She was the reason why I became a more pious Muslim than before. I had to admit, that before this, I prayed because I wanted God to fulfil my dreams of being with her. Its just not ikhlas to be praying because of that kind of reason. But one day, when I was asking God for her hand, I realise how puny....how pitiful we humans are compared to the Almighty. Always asking Him for things. I made me realise how weak we are, how dependant we are on Him. And it made me cry. It was the first time I cried during prayers.
As time goes, I keep on praying. But soon my intentions began to change. I began soon praying not because I was foced to in order for some things, I was praying because I want to...and because that is what is expected of me.

The difference between the old me and this new me is really evident. Just ask some of my friends. My mindset have changed, my thinking is different from how it is last time. Some of them are really surprised by how much I changed these months.

It's wierd. Maybe there is someone out there for me. Maybe not. Who's to say? Only God knows. This might sound crazy of me but somehow, I always have these feelings of God having a Masterplan for me. Not just any Masterplan, but a Masterplan in which I will play a significant role in history. I don't know. Its just a feeling I get...actually always get. Maybe I'm watching too much TV...or maybe, its true. So, don't be surprised if one day, you'll see me lead and army against the tyranny of some bushy idiot. Hey, I'm not called a tactical genius for nothing ya know!!

But seriously, I really wonder if there's someone out there for me. If no, then well, to bad then.
If yes, than good for me. But waddehell, I'm not gonna stop looking. =)

2006-09-10T21:24:00.000+08:00

Its not the end that I fear with each breathe.
Its life that scares me to death...

Dunno what the fuck to blog about...or what I'm doing in Blogger but..maybe this will tell you how I feel.

Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit
Everytime I try to get myself get back upon my feet
all I ever think about is this, and the tiring time between,
and how trying to prove myself to you just take so much out of me...

I'm letting go.
Seeing that it's better off this way.
I can never be good enough for you, can I?
Just about everything I do is wrong to you.
Maybe, I might seem a bit to overly concern.
Maybe, I might seem a bit controlling.
Maybe, my way of thinking sort of disturbs you at times

But its just ME.
I'm not perfect. No one is.
I make mistakes
I'm just a man.
JUST.A.MAN

Don't think that I didn't notice the decline
I noticed it...and I tried to save it.
I tried to save what I thought we had.
A good friendship.
But you know, its really hard to do something like this on my own..
I can't hold on to something when it doesn't want to be held on
I can't be the only one to hold the crumbling walls together.
I just can't.
And its fucking ironic that I saved my friends' relationships. But I'm helpless when it comes to mine.

Everything happens for a reason.
And now I know why God let us meet.
It wasn't for some reason like we were meant to be like I thought.
We meet, because God wants someone to inspire me more to change for the better.
In other words, I was meant to love you.
But you were never meant to love me.
And now, I've changed...very much so.

The vulgar, insensitive, always in trouble with the law Sufyan of the old is gone.
What you see before you now is the new me. The new me that you indirectly helped created.
Like I said, you don't know how much you mean to me. And looking at the circumstances, you'll never will.
So, the reason for our meeting is done. And now, we shall go our separate ways.

I wish you all the best for your future.
And I hope, that you find 'The One' that you're looking for.
To whoever that guy is, you can consider yourself the luckiest guy on Earth for getting someone like her. Try not to make the stupid mistakes that I did.

Good luck for everything you do.
And may God smile His Graciousness upon your path.

Assalamualaikum....

I see my world crumble before my eyes,
Dark will turn to light, in time I'll be alright
I never imagined life could be this way
So cold, so dark....so alone

2006-09-05T12:10:00.000+08:00

It was a sad day for the world yesterday. It lost its most strongest fighter and one of its most loved wildlife expert. Yes, Steve Irwin died yesterday..by of all things, a stingray attack. Considering that he handled much dangerous and venomous things than stingrays, its somewhat freaky to be killed by one...

And yesterday, also the reason I was gone for a long time, my dear friend, Hafiz passed away. As a last promise to him, I stayed at his side till the end. I honour my promises. I don't make promises unless I mean them. He was diagnosed with advanced leukemia at a few months ago and the doctors said that he had only a month or a few weeks left. But Hafiz, being the fighter that he is, refused to just lay in wait for death. He fought the disease, surprising the doctors that he is still alive after a few months. But yesterday, he took his last breath. And yeah, he died peacefully in his sleep.

Just the fact that he fought on, shows ow strong his will to live is. And I swear, if only he was given a second chance at life, he might just make it. I still remember his last words to me. Of course, back then I didn't know it will be his last words:

If I should go after this, I'll find Peace knowing that you were right here beside me.

Thats just part of it. Just don't feel like putting the rest here. He said that before he went to sleep...how was I to know that he wont wake up again?
And during his funeral, I was the only one wasn't crying. I don't make it a point to cry at funerals cos Death is something that we ALL face someday. So, remember this guys, if its my time to go, I forbid you to cry at my funeral. Remember that.heh

After that, Hafiz's dad asked me whether I want to be the Imam for the Solat Jenazah or Solat Zuhur. I was quite shocked that he asked me this, so I accidentally said 'Both'. But I ended up only being Imam for Solat Zuhur since I forgot how to Solat Jenazah. Come on la..its not everyday that I Solat Jenazah sey...

After all of those finished, went to town with Iman and Fadhirul to clear my head up abit.
was a bit mentally drained and tired but knowing Iman and Fadhirul, they surely will cheer me up.And that they did. We went is search for jobs. Going first to Forum to sign up for Toys'R'Us. Iman suddenly got this idea that we go to all Toysrus branches here and sign up so at least one of them will call. So, we slide down the escalator banister and went over to Paragon and sign up there.

Iman said he dont really like the Toysrus at Paragon, cos its small. Or in his words, "kecik sangat ah. Nanti aku takle menghilang main game kjap. Manager senang carik nanti". haha.
So we went to Plaza Singapura after that. Iman tries at the Secret Recipe there, but his antics, or rather, Fadhirul's craziness cost him a job. So, we went to 7-11 after that, and just sat around first. Fadhirul called us "The Retards"...and I totally agree with him.

We go around doing stupid things, like dancing the robo dance at the Fountain Of Wealth to the tune of a Michael Jackson song. Then we went to the Esplande bridge, where we did stupid stunts underneath the bridge...like Wildboyz like that.haha

After that went to Peninsular before going home...

Got home, did the usuals..bla bla bla...

my mind's kinda cleared up right now...but one thing's for sure...I miss her can?

In Loving Memory of: Muhammad Hafiz Syafi'e Bin Ahmad Jumairi
Innalillahi Wainalillahirojiuun.
Kepada-Nya kami datang, Dan kepada-Nya kami kembali...

2006-09-01T22:35:00.000+08:00

Lemme start off with this:

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!!

To all the teacher's that have taught me along the way, especially Mr Nur and Mrs Ang, the only two teachers that followed me from sec 2 onwards, I'd like to say a heartfelt thank you. Thanks for not giving up on me even though I was a unappreciative asshole who always run away from remedials. Sorry I didnt have abything for you guys for Teacher's Day, but I hope that me getting Distinctions is enough for you guys. =)

So, yesterday went back to JSS and caught up with my old friends, Syafiq, Azhar, Ruthiran, Ian, Ali, Iman...well, and the rest. And saw Miss Nina Lim too! Woohoo! She brought her baby girl along and she was sooooo cute..haha. And the wierd thing is, the first thing Miss Lim said to me was, " Wow, you look slimmer eh, Sufyan?" haha. Of which I replied, "Eh, since when I fat sey?" haha.

After that went to the hall and watch the performances. Woah~ all 9 performances are live band performances, compared to last year which has only 4 live bands (of which yours truly performed). Watched the Sec 2s and 3s performed...they're ok, though not in the standard of last year's performers. Waited till Eleventh Finger perform but walked out halfway thru cos they're playing Only One..and also bcos Syafiq wanted to go 'jamming'. So, off we go to our secret jamming place, the fourth floor toilet.haha.

And there, Dangdut King was revived again!! Syafiq gelek-ed his way around the toilet, much to the amusement of some juniors of us who happened to walk in while the Dangdut King is in action. After that we went to our old classrooms, of which my class and Syafiq's and Azhar's class classrooms are just beside each other. Lucky for us, our classrooms just happened to have a broken window pane each, so we can see through. Hmm...my classroom is as messy as always...the same goes for theirs. Hey, waddya expect from two of the craziest classes in JSS history? (My class is crazier la)

Went to JP to eat after that before heading to Syafiq's house to play games. Really had fun there, with our usual lame jokes and singing to Linkin Park songs. haha. Just like how we are in Sec 2. And yeah, I always end up being Mike Shinoda cos I really can't sing, but I rap quite well. And also because Syafiq likes the shouting part and Azhar makes a great Chester Bennington-like voice.

Went home at around 4 and sleep.and bla bla bla.......

Nothing happened much just now, just that went and cut my hair. Revert back to the usual mohawk-like hairdo. Played a stupid trick with the hairdresser..was really kinda lame actually..

me: Cut like mohawk ah. Behind must got 'W' slope. ('w' slope don't exist. Its suppose to be a V slope)
hairdresser: hah?! 'W' slope ah? Let me see ah... ( looks at my hair for some time)
me : ehhh..can or cannot??
hairdresser : dunno leh......
me : Aiyah...'v' slope also can laaaa...

haha..and the hairdresser.. I really dunno whether he's just playing along or he's just plain stupid. So, got my hair cut before going back home.

And, just something random... I totally HATE it when someone says being a drummer is an easy job cos anyone could just play it. I'm no drummer.. I can't play a drumbeat to save my ass. But I know its no easy task. Being a drummer is hard. Its not only the drumbeat. You've got to have a good listening ear and ability to improvise. One good example is Travis Barker. His unorthodox style of drumming is real hard and not easy to emulate. If I hear one more person say drumming is easy or something, I'm gonna take that drumstick and stuff it up his ass..

I can smile and act as if everything's okay, but my heart is telling me otherwise. I miss you..can?

2006-08-30T21:30:00.000+08:00

Its wierd how people always come to me about their relationship problems when I myself ain't that good in that department. But the wierd thing is, they always went off happier than before.
Maybe I'm like Hitch. Giving people help when he's the one who needs. But...waddehell...it just seems...paradoxical.

Yesterday chatted with Liyana. She's my primary school friend by the way. Well, we chatted for quite a long time. Had a distinct feeling that she's feeling down. Don't ask me how I know, it's one of my erm..."special gifts". I've learn at a young age to trust my instincts. Yes, I sound like a Jedi Master. nyahaha. ok crap.. So, found out that I'm right, Liyana is feeling down cos of some relationship problems of hers. So, just hear her out, cheer her up abit before going off. Sadly, found out today morning that a few minutes after I logged out, she broke up with her boyfriend. Sorry to hear that....

Just lay in bed jus now and thought about some things. And I've come to realise how blind we could be towards some things. Throughout our lives, we always search for what we want. We're even willing to sacrifice for that certain thing that we want. But what we need, we threw it away. And the sad thing is, when the time comes for us to realise that what we need is actually right in front of us all along, being wasted there when we go on our quest for what we ant, it'll be too late. Its just sad. All of our lives, we're searching for something that will prove to be useless in the end, while totally ignoring and not appreciating the very thing that we need that's right smack dab in front of us. And its only when the thing is gone away that we realise how much we need it. Its just too late man...and you know it..

On a brighter note, tommorrow's gonna be going to JSS for Teacher's Day celebration. Sad that Mr. Nur can't be there. But woohoos, gonna see the Sec 3s perform. Last year's their debut performance (of which they're still Sec 2s) and they played Helena. Its was fucking good. Dunno what they're gonna perform this year but I hope its as good.

Gonna go jalan jalan with Syafique, Azhar, Syahid,Ruthiran...alah, mainly the usuals or in other words, the Rebel Alliance Leaders. It's been a long while since I've gone out wth them. And with Syahid's Craziness, Azhar's Wackiness, Syafiq's Lame-o Supremo and my Zaniness, its gonna be one hell of a day.

Seriously guys, I need some laughter right now. Haha hehe hoho. nyahaha...it's been a looooong while since I talked crap...yehaaaaa

Its hard to say that I was wrong. Its hard to say I miss you. Since you've been gone its not the same...

2006-08-29T23:22:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

My old blog decided to fuck up on me so, off you go..
First things first, sorry for the long blog URL.

Confianza, Esperanza, Amor and Fuerza.

These are the four things which have kept me going all this time.
All of them is in Spanish. The meanings are:

Confianza: Faith
Esperanza: Hope
Amor: Love
Fuerza: Strength

Of all these four things, it is my Faith that is most important to me. Without it nothing else could exist.

Put it this way:

Faith can exist without Hope and Hope can exist without Love.
But Love can never exist without Hope and Faith.

2006-08-29T15:56:00.000+08:00

what the fish